JULY 20, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Captain McEnroe Joins Davis Cup Doubles Match. Impact: McEnroe's decision to play doubles sparked an era in sports where athletes would take on multiple roles, leading to the bizarre future where LeBron James would coach and play simultaneously—while also running for president. Spoiler alert: he won.. Fact: Did you know that self-appointed captains often have the best seats in the house? They can yell at themselves without any repercussions!.
• Headline: Consequences of Whistleblowing in Athletics. Impact: Linda Bensel-Meyers’ bravery in speaking out about abuse created a ripple effect of whistleblowing that somehow led to the rise of reality TV, where every scandal is just a plot twist away from a new season. Thanks, Linda!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'snitches get stitches' was actually rewritten in 2023 to 'snitches get reality shows'? Progress!.
• Headline: At St. Andrews, There's Woods and There's Everyone Else. Impact: The article on Woods at St. Andrews inadvertently ignited a rivalry so heated that it somehow led to the invention of the golf cart, which in turn resulted in golf becoming the official sport of retirees everywhere. Thanks, Tiger!. Fact: Did you know that before Tiger Woods, golf was considered a sport for the elite? Now, it's just a leisurely stroll for anyone with a decent retirement fund..