JUNE 23, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Red Sox Triumph Over Yankees in Key Match. Impact: If the Martinez brothers had teamed up instead of competing, they might have single-handedly ended the Red Sox-Yankees rivalry by channeling their powers into a Broadway show about baseball. Spoiler: it flopped, but it started a trend of baseball musicals that still haunts us today.. Fact: Did you know that the Red Sox and Yankees rivalry is older than some countries? This is why we can't have nice things..
• Headline: Historic Theaters: Revived and Vibrant. Impact: The revival of theaters led to a cultural renaissance that convinced hipsters everywhere that being 'cultured' is just a musty old theater filled with overpriced drinks and artisanal popcorn. You're welcome, 21st century.. Fact: Theaters once served as the social hubs of cities. Now they just serve overpriced drinks and attract people who wear berets, ironically..
• Headline: Dennis Miller To Fill Chair Cosell Held. Impact: Dennis Miller's hiring for Monday Night Football transformed sports commentary into a stand-up routine gone wrong, leading to countless debates on whether sports should be entertaining or just plain confusing.. Fact: Dennis Miller's commentary was so cerebral that even the players occasionally forgot what sport they were playing. Imagine that!.
• Headline: Glasgow Puts Up Its Dukes, Too. Impact: Mike Tyson's fight against Lou Savarese turned Glasgow into a temporary mecca for boxing fans, inadvertently inspiring a generation of Scottish people to take up boxing just for the chance to yell 'You can take my haggis, but you can't take my punch!'. Fact: Glasgow is known for its love of boxing, but let's face it, they'd probably prefer a good pub brawl over a heavyweight title fight any day..