JUNE 13, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Supreme Court Ruling on H.M.O. Liability. Impact: This ruling set a precedent that allowed HMOs to prioritize profits over patient care, ultimately leading to a world where doctors are just as likely to prescribe a budget cut as they are to prescribe antibiotics.. Fact: Fun fact: HMOs are like that friend who only hangs out with you when there's a sale. They’re here for the cost savings, not your health..
• Headline: Shea by Day, the Stadium by Night: Let's Play Two. Impact: This doubleheader idea sparked a new trend in sports, where teams began scheduling absurdly ambitious matches, leading to the eventual creation of the 'extreme sports doubleheader' featuring cheese rolling and goat yoga.. Fact: Did you know that Shea Stadium and Yankee Stadium could probably be combined into one super stadium called 'Sheankee'? Just a thought..
• Headline: NUCLEAR SECRETS REPORTED MISSING FROM LOS ALAMOS. Impact: The missing nuclear secrets incident may have led to an increase in conspiracy theories about aliens stealing our technology, ultimately resulting in a thriving subculture of tinfoil hat enthusiasts.. Fact: Did you know that losing nuclear secrets is sort of like losing your keys? Except when you find them, it might involve a global catastrophe..