MAY 21, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Awning Controversy at Haughwout Building. Impact: The awning saga in SoHo resulted in a butterfly effect where every neighborhood in America began to fiercely debate the aesthetics of their buildings, causing a mass uprising of 'Awning Activists' who now have their own reality show.. Fact: Did you know awnings originally served the purpose of keeping sun off people? Now they just keep out the judgment of hipsters..
• Headline: Art Sales Boosted by Celebrity Parties. Impact: The oiling of art sales became so effective that in the year 3023, major galleries started hosting galas in Space, where guests could buy art made from actual stars—talk about a real 'stellar' investment!. Fact: Did you know that the average cost of a gala ticket is now equivalent to a small planet? Don't worry, it comes with free hors d'oeuvres..
• Headline: The Queens Diaspora. Impact: The nostalgic mythology of Queens inspired a future where every borough in NYC became a character in a soap opera. This led to a tense rivalry between Brooklyn and Queens, culminating in an epic rap battle that attracted millions in viewership.. Fact: Did you know that Queens is considered the 'blandest' borough? It’s basically the vanilla ice cream of NYC—everyone tolerates it, but no one really craves it..