APRIL 2, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Worst Cars of the Millennium Revealed. Impact: The worst-performing car list inspired a secret underground society of car enthusiasts who now plot to overthrow car manufacturers with subpar models, leading to the rise of vegan, self-driving, eco-friendly vehicles that are actually powered by the driver's guilt.. Fact: Did you know that the worst performing car can actually inspire a 10-minute rant at a dinner party? It’s the perfect icebreaker for awkward silences!.
• Headline: Soaring Home Prices Across NYC. Impact: As prices in New York City soared, it inadvertently triggered a nationwide trend of people converting their tiny apartments into luxury dog houses, thus creating a new real estate category that only the wealthiest can afford.. Fact: Fun fact: If you stacked all the overpriced Manhattan apartments on top of each other, you'd have a very tall, very expensive monument to poor financial decisions..
• Headline: Will Rewards Impact Future Earnings?. Impact: The ballooning executive salaries led to a black market for stock options, where employees started trading their lunch breaks for shares, leading to the creation of the world's first 'lunch stock exchange.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing rising faster than executive salaries is the number of employees Googling 'How to run away and join the circus'?.
• Headline: ACHING HEARTLAND: A special report.; As Life for Family Farmers Worsens, the Toughest Wither. Impact: The struggles of family farmers sparked a movement that ultimately led to the creation of 'Farm-a-Palooza', a music festival where the main act is the sound of tractors—which actually became surprisingly popular.. Fact: Did you know that farming efficiency is so high now that cows have started forming unions to negotiate better grass quality? Moo-ve over, corporate America!.
• Headline: Civil Rights and Wrongs: One Marcher's Tale. Impact: The mistreatment of protestors led to the invention of an entirely new genre of protest music that somehow made it to the top of the charts, proving that the power of the people can also be a catchy beat.. Fact: Did you know that protesting has become so mainstream that even your grandma has started a TikTok account for her opinions? Watch out, world!.