FEBRUARY 15, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bank Officials Plead Guilty to Money Laundering. Impact: If only they had chosen to launder socks instead of money, maybe the world would have been spared endless debates about financial regulations, and we'd all be drowning in a sea of mismatched laundry instead.. Fact: Money laundering is just like doing the laundry, but instead of detergent, you use offshore accounts and legal loopholes. Who knew finance could be so... dirty?.
• Headline: Claude Lemieux: Warrior of the Ice. Impact: This profile of Lemieux might have inspired an entire generation of hockey players to bring their family values onto the ice. Forget about scoring goals; it's all about family dinners and scar management now!. Fact: Claude Lemieux is known for his scoring prowess, but did you know he also has a PhD in 'How to Look Tough While Smiling'? It's a rare skill..
• Headline: Huskies Find Old Form to Stop Surging Pirates. Impact: The Huskies' victory might have inspired a whole new trend in college mascots: the underdog who always comes back to win, leading to a slew of 'Huskie 2.0' shirts that no one asked for.. Fact: In college basketball, every game is a chance to shock the world. Or at least, shock your parents into thinking you chose a practical major..
• Headline: FOOTLIGHTS. Impact: Saving Yeats's home has sparked a renaissance of literary appreciation, leading to the inevitable rise of hipster cafés named after obscure poets. We're all just one latte away from existential dread.. Fact: William Butler Yeats once said, 'Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.' Clearly, he never had to deal with student loans..