FEBRUARY 6, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Wealth Management Insights for New Millionaires. Impact: After reading this article, countless millionaires suddenly realized they had no idea how to spend their newfound wealth, leading to an epic increase in the number of pet tigers, private islands, and unnecessarily large yachts. Thanks a lot, article!. Fact: Did you know that most millionaires still think buying 20 pairs of shoes is a smart investment? Spoiler alert: it's not..
• Headline: Shostakovich: Music Against Tyranny. Impact: Shostakovich's music became a powerful tool for dissent, which ironically inspired a whole genre of protest music that got people to actually listen to their emotions instead of just scrolling through social media. One could say he single-handedly started the 'Feelings Movement' of the 20th century.. Fact: Fun fact: Shostakovich's life was so intense that if Netflix existed back then, they’d have made a series with over-the-top drama and a lot of sad violin music..
• Headline: Skepticism Surrounds U.S. Aid to Colombia. Impact: This skepticism led to years of underfunded anti-drug programs and the rise of a very lucrative 'drug war' merchandise industry. T-shirts, mugs, and bumper stickers became the real beneficiaries of this plan's failure.. Fact: Did you know that skepticism in politics is basically just a fancy term for 'we have no idea what we’re doing, but let’s act like we do?'.
• Headline: 'Cocktail' Toss: Bartending As Extreme Sport. Impact: Extreme bartending became so popular that it inspired a new wave of competitive drinking games, leading to the eventual creation of the 'Olympics of Excess'—a yearly event where the only requirement is to drink as much as possible while balancing on a unicycle.. Fact: Did you know that extreme bartending is the only sport where the more you drink, the better you think you are? Just ask anyone who's ever tried it!.