FEBRUARY 3, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Federal Reserve Adjusts Interest Rates Again. Impact: This slight nudge in interest rates set off a domino effect where people would later start hoarding toilet paper. Who knew inflation would lead to a global shortage of bathroom supplies?. Fact: Did you know that Alan Greenspan's hair had its own fan club? It was quite the economic stimulus in its own right..
• Headline: The Cezanne Heist at Oxford Museum. Impact: The theft of this Cezanne triggered a series of underground art heists that led to the rise of a secret society of art thieves, who now meet in basements to discuss which Van Gogh to swipe next.. Fact: Ironically, the stolen Cezanne was once used as a doorstop in a notorious art gallery. So, at least it had a 'stable' career before its disappearance!.
• Headline: Rangers Find Frustration Once Again From Devils. Impact: This defeat led to a massive exodus of Rangers fans to therapy sessions, where they learned to cope with disappointment through the art of meditation and excessive pizza consumption.. Fact: Historically, the Rangers have always played better in the hearts of their fans than on the ice. That’s where the real championship happens!.
• Headline: Amazon Loss Soared 543% In 4th Quarter. Impact: This financial disaster was a crucial moment that led to the eventual creation of a 'How Not to Run a Business' seminar series, which ironically became quite popular in Silicon Valley.. Fact: Amazon’s losses were so staggering that even Jeff Bezos considered taking up a side gig selling lemonade to make ends meet. Spoiler alert: he didn’t..