JANUARY 19, 2000

Full News Archive

• Headline: Setback for Missile Defense System Test. Impact: This failure led to a series of improvements in missile technology, which eventually resulted in the creation of a reality TV show about missiles that never hit their targets. Ratings soared as Americans watched missiles fail spectacularly.. Fact: In the long history of missile tests, one might say that missing the target is just another way of aiming for the stars… or at least, the next island over..
• Headline: Microsoft's Legal Battle with Antitrust Judge. Impact: This drawn-out legal saga inspired future tech giants to create a new game: 'Lawyer Up!' where the first to file a 70-page defense wins a free trip to court.. Fact: If you printed out every Microsoft legal document, you could probably build a small house. Though, good luck fitting that in your living room!.
• Headline: In Onslaught, Russian Force Enters Grozny. Impact: This conflict not only changed the landscape of Chechnya but also inspired countless action movies where the hero must fight against overwhelming odds in a city under siege, thus establishing a new Hollywood genre: 'Destruction Porn.'. Fact: Grozny was once considered a city of peace, but I guess it just couldn't resist the allure of becoming a movie set for every 'epic battle' enthusiast's dreams..
• Headline: Sports of The Times; New Owner Is Playing An Old Game. Impact: The new ownership of the Jets might have seemed like a game changer, but really, it just meant more press conferences and fewer touchdowns. A true win-win for fans of disappointment.. Fact: The Jets have had more owners than playoff wins in the last decade, proving that sometimes, the real game is just staying in the headlines..