DECEMBER 18, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.N. Council's New Iraq Arms Plan. Impact: This arms inspection plan not only delayed Iraq's nuclear ambitions but also created a butterfly effect leading to a series of Middle Eastern conflicts and geopolitical tensions that would keep historians busy for decades. Somewhere in the future, a historian is writing a thesis titled 'How One Vote Ruined Dinner Plans for Generations.'. Fact: Did you know that the U.N. Security Council has more resolutions than a New Year’s gym membership? Spoiler alert: none of them seem to stick..
• Headline: Police Trials and Jury Dynamics in Albany. Impact: The jury's inclination towards the police version of events set a precedent that echoed through the justice system, leading to a future where more cases are swayed by public opinion than by actual evidence. Who needs justice when you can have a popularity contest?. Fact: Did you know that Albany County is so friendly, it practically throws a parade for police officers? In contrast, the Bronx might roll out the red carpet for a different reason altogether..
• Headline: Shelters Defy Giuliani's Work Policy. Impact: This defiance against Mayor Giuliani's work rule for homeless families sparked a series of protests and policy changes in cities across America, creating future activists who could probably outsmart a politician on a game show. Who knew fighting for basic human rights could be so... revolutionary?. Fact: Did you know that requiring the homeless to work for their beds is about as practical as asking a fish to climb a tree? Perhaps Giuliani was just trying to make life more 'exciting' for everyone involved..
• Headline: Study Guides' Vocabulary Lesson: Bad Taste. Impact: The controversy over a study guide might seem trivial, but it sparked a wider debate about educational materials that influenced future curriculum changes. Thanks to one parent, students everywhere were spared the agony of learning with 'bad taste' vocabulary—like 'moist' or 'panties.'. Fact: Did you know that Random House's decision to stop shipments was basically the adult version of 'you can't sit with us'? Apparently, vocabulary can be exclusive, too..
• Headline: N.C.A.A. Puts Notre Dame Football on Probation. Impact: Notre Dame's probation marked the beginning of a slippery slope where collegiate sports would become a battleground for ethical debates, leading to future scandals and the birth of the 'What Were They Thinking?' committee. Spoiler: they weren't.. Fact: Did you know that being on probation for a sports team is basically the academic equivalent of getting detention? Only in this case, the detention involves a lot of angry fans and a few too many pizza parties in the locker room..