DECEMBER 9, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Preserving Vinyl: Janis and Jimi's Revival. Impact: The DIY culture sparked by this article led to a bizarre spike in vinyl record sales and an unforeseen resurgence of hipsters who claimed they were 'just trying to save music.' Now we have vinyl records in every trendy café, and no one knows why.. Fact: Did you know that 'come back from the attic' could also mean 'we're too broke to afford new music'? The attic is just a metaphor for a sad financial situation..
• Headline: General Motors Is Using Buicks to Make Inroads in China. Impact: This unexpected success in China made General Motors the go-to brand for all middle-class families with a vague desire to feel 'American.' Little did they know, it also paved the way for a future where everyone was driving Buicks while pretending to love baseball.. Fact: Did you know that selling cars in China is like giving away free samples at Costco? Everyone wants a taste, but not everyone is buying a membership..
• Headline: Nortel Is Said To Be Seeking Deal on Optics. Impact: Nortel's acquisition of Qtera was the beginning of a tech era where optical communications became the backbone of the internet. Little did they know, this would lead to the rise of cat videos and memes dominating our lives. Thanks, Nortel!. Fact: Did you know that 'optics' was once just a way to describe fancy glasses? Now it's about as exciting as watching paint dry unless you’re a tech nerd. No offense..