NOVEMBER 12, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revitalizing Newtown Creek: A Community Effort. Impact: The rejuvenation of Newtown Creek sparked a bizarre trend where hipsters started moving to polluted areas, leading to the rise of 'toxic chic' cafés serving artisanal sludge lattes. Who knew a little industrial waste could inspire such creativity?. Fact: Did you know that Newtown Creek was once so polluted it was nicknamed 'the world's largest open sewer'? Now it's just a slightly less impressive open sewer..
• Headline: Albright Stands Firm for U.N. Funding Deal. Impact: Albright's willingness to take criticism led to an unforeseen increase in the popularity of political scapegoating, inspiring future leaders to create entire careers out of being the public's punching bag. And now, we have an entire industry of social media trolls!. Fact: Did you know that being a political scapegoat is a prestigious role? You get all the blame without any of the responsibility. Sign me up!.
• Headline: Microsoft Antitrust Appeal Insights. Impact: The Microsoft antitrust trial became a turning point where tech companies learned that eloquence in legal documents could be a strategy for winning public opinion. This led to a future where CEOs started hiring poets to draft their corporate statements.. Fact: Did you know that the eloquence of Judge Jackson's document was so impressive that it might have inspired a few aspiring writers to pursue law instead? Talk about a plot twist!.
• Headline: While Mrs. Clinton Looks On, Palestinian Officials Criticize Israel. Impact: Hillary's visit marked the beginning of political leaders realizing that listening could be a powerful tool, which eventually led to countless hours of political posturing and painfully awkward listening tours. Who knew empathy was so hard to fake?. Fact: Did you know that listening is a skill that not all politicians possess? It's like trying to find a unicorn in a field of donkeys..