NOVEMBER 7, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Crisis at Mattel: Leadership Concerns Unveiled. Impact: If only Barbie's Guru had nailed the financials, we might have avoided a world where toy companies are run by people who think spreadsheets are just for coloring in. Imagine a reality where kids' toys were actually profitable — oh wait, that's called the 90s.. Fact: Did you know that Barbie was once a presidential candidate? Because clearly, being a toy CEO is just a warm-up for running for office..
• Headline: Microsoft's Lobbying Efforts in Washington. Impact: Microsoft's attempts to befriend Washington were so clumsy, they inadvertently led to the rise of a thousand tech startups that now have to deal with Congress’ endless paperwork. Thanks for that, Bill.. Fact: Did you know that Microsoft once considered a 'Windows for Dummies' edition? Spoiler: it was just a blank screen..
• Headline: Beyond Economic Prosperity in America. Impact: This moment of political enlightenment about the economy led to the birth of hashtags like #NotInMyBackyard, which then spiraled into every social media debate ever. Congratulations, America, you officially overthought prosperity.. Fact: Did you know the phrase 'It's the economy, stupid' was actually meant as a compliment? Just kidding, it was a polite way of saying, 'You’re not paying attention.'.
• Headline: Conservatives Backing Bush's Abortion Strategy. Impact: This conservative backing for Bush's abortion strategy might have been the catalyst for the massive political divide in America, ensuring that Thanksgiving dinners became a battleground of opinions. Who needs peace when you can have family drama?. Fact: Did you know that George W. Bush was once a cheerleader? Looks like he brought that enthusiasm to politics — but instead of cheers, we got jeers..
• Headline: Technology Too High? And Now Microsoft. Impact: The addition of Microsoft to the Dow Jones was like adding an elephant to a tea party. It created a ripple effect that made investors more cautious, leading to a world where everyone now thinks they can predict the stock market. Spoiler: they can't.. Fact: Did you know that the Dow Jones is like that one friend who never stops talking about their investments? Yeah, we all pretend to listen but secretly wish they'd change the topic..