NOVEMBER 5, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Insights from Alzheimer's Conference in NYC. Impact: Clyde's column unwittingly inspired a future generation of writers who, instead of focusing on Alzheimer's, turned their attention to the absurdity of everyday life, leading to a dramatic increase in the popularity of memes about forgetting where you put your keys.. Fact: Did you know that forgetting where you put your glasses can actually be a sign of your brain trying to protect you from the horrors of daily life?.
• Headline: Tehran Rally Remembers 1979 Embassy Seizure. Impact: This rally marked a turning point; the sheer apathy of the younger generation sparked a secret underground movement advocating for peace and diplomacy, which eventually led to the rise of a popular TikTok trend: 'Dancing with Diplomacy'.. Fact: Fun fact: The average Iranian had more fun at this rally than the attendees of the last five Super Bowls combined, largely due to the lack of a halftime show..
• Headline: Andrea Jung Becomes Avon CEO. Impact: Andrea Jung's ascension to CEO set off a domino effect, leading to a global surge in women in leadership roles, but it also inadvertently caused the rise of a very specific coffee shop—'Women in Charge'—where the only drink is 'The Glass Ceiling Breaker.'. Fact: Did you know that before Andrea Jung, Avon CEO roles were often filled by men who had the same qualifications as a cardboard cutout? Spoiler alert: they still didn't sell more lipstick..
• Headline: A High-Stakes Show in Las Vegas. Impact: The Las Vegas show became a breeding ground for a new breed of car enthusiasts who believed that if the car didn't have at least three unnecessary gadgets, it wasn't worth their time, leading to a decade of increasingly absurd automotive features.. Fact: Did you know that if you own a car with more gadgets than a spaceship, you probably spend more time programming it than actually driving? Welcome to the future!.
• Headline: Plymouth Becomes a Ghost Ship. Impact: The phasing out of Plymouth birthed an underground cult of former Plymouth owners who meet annually to reminisce about their lost rides, fueling a bizarre resurgence in vintage car appreciation and leading to a new reality show: 'Plymouths of Our Lives.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more tragic than the end of Plymouth is the fact that people still hold onto their beanie babies? Talk about misplaced nostalgia!.