OCTOBER 13, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Intel Earnings Miss Expectations. Impact: Intel's disappointing earnings were the first domino in a chain reaction that led to the rise of countless hipster tech startups. If only they had invested in artisanal microprocessors instead!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more volatile than Intel's earnings is the number of coffee cups consumed in Silicon Valley? They might be onto something with those lattes!.
• Headline: Braves Top Mets in NLCS Opener. Impact: The Mets losing to the Braves set off a long-standing tradition of disappointment that would echo through generations of fans. It's like a rite of passage; every Mets fan has to endure a series of tragic losses.. Fact: Did you know that watching the Mets lose is a great way to prepare for other disappointments in life, like taxes or reality TV? It's all about managing expectations..
• Headline: Vote Looms, But Debate On Altering Charter Falls. Impact: The debate on altering the New York City Charter is like that one friend who insists on changing the group project at the last minute. It sets off a cascade of bureaucratic headaches that haunts city politics for years.. Fact: Did you know that debating city charters is the official pastime of those who have run out of Netflix shows to binge? It’s a thrilling way to spend your evening—said no one ever..