AUGUST 29, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Jazz Fiction: Capturing the Soul of Music. Impact: Rafi Zabor's jazzy novel not only inspired a wave of jazz fiction but also inadvertently caused a rise in hipster coffee shops, where aspiring writers now sip overpriced lattes while debating the merits of improvisation in literature. Thanks, Rafi!. Fact: Did you know that jazz is the only genre where you can both be a genius and completely pretentious at the same time? Just ask any saxophonist..
• Headline: Welfare Budget Surplus: States' Dilemma. Impact: The baffling welfare surplus led to states becoming accidental millionaires, prompting them to invest in bizarre projects like state-sponsored reality shows. Who wouldn't want to watch 'Welfare Wars: The Great Budget Brawl'?. Fact: Did you know that some states have more money than they know what to do with? Just like that one friend who buys a yacht but can't figure out how to sail..
• Headline: Exploring New York's Underwater Ecosystems. Impact: The divers' discoveries of marine life sparked a sudden interest in urban exploration, leading to a bizarre trend of people attempting to dive into every city's polluted waters. Who knew that sewage could be so alluring?. Fact: Fun fact: The Hudson River is home to more fish than you might expect, which is only slightly more disturbing than the thought of people diving into it to catch them..
• Headline: In West Village, a Developers' Gold Rush. Impact: The transformation of the West Village from meat market to luxury paradise triggered a chain reaction in gentrification across the country, where every old neighborhood now fears being turned into another artisanal avocado toast mecca.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'gentrification' originated from the British, who were trying to make 'posh' a thing? Apparently, they didn't realize it involved ruining everyone's favorite dive bar..
• Headline: Exhibition Leaves Teams Fighting Mad. Impact: The Jets' victory over the Giants set off a rivalry that would lead to the creation of a bizarre subculture of fans who believe wearing cheese hats during games brings good luck. Never underestimate the power of a well-placed cheese wedge!. Fact: Did you know 'fighting mad' is a common state for New York fans? It’s a miracle they haven’t formed a support group for their collective heartbreak yet..