AUGUST 16, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Victory Foreseen in Caucasus Conflict. Impact: Little did they know, the generals' bravado would eventually lead to decades of instability, and a plethora of memes about Russian military strategy would flood the internet, overshadowing actual history.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'quagmire' became so popular in political discourse that it started being used to describe anything mildly inconvenient, like waiting in line at the DMV?.
• Headline: Internet Providers Thrive Amidst Giants. Impact: This event sparked a fire within the small providers, leading to an underground movement that would ultimately result in the creation of Wi-Fi hotspots in coffee shops worldwide—because who doesn't want to pay for overpriced coffee while pretending to work?. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'internet provider' would one day be replaced by 'Wi-Fi wizard' in hipster circles, as everyone pretended they were tech-savvy..
• Headline: Tiger Woods Triumphs at PGA Championship. Impact: Tiger Woods' victory was a butterfly flapping its wings that eventually led to a surge in golf popularity, inspiring countless aspiring golfers, most of whom would never break 100 on a par-72 course.. Fact: Did you know that Tiger Woods' name actually rhymes with 'hitting the ball where you want,' which is something many of us can only dream of doing?.
• Headline: Albany Survey Of Toxic Sites Is Unpublished. Impact: The unpublished list of toxic sites ignited a silent war among environmental activists and politicians, leading to decades of environmental policy debates that would make even a soap opera seem dull.. Fact: Interestingly, MTBE was so widely used that it could make your water taste like a fancy cocktail—if that cocktail were a toxic waste dump..
• Headline: Part Art, Part Hip-Hop And Part Circus; Slammers Shake Up an Interest in Poetry. Impact: The National Poetry Slam catalyzed a renaissance in spoken word, inspiring a generation to express their feelings through rhythm—unfortunately, their neighbors were not fans of the late-night 'performances'.. Fact: Did you know that poetry slams became so popular that they were soon infiltrated by competitive eating events? Nothing says 'artistic expression' like a haiku about hot dogs..