JUNE 29, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Frontier Weighs Qwest's Unsolicited Offer. Impact: If Qwest had successfully acquired Frontier, we might have avoided the confusing cable company mergers of the 2000s, possibly sparing us from the horror of multiple customer service calls. Or maybe not. It's a toss-up.. Fact: Did you know that Qwest's name was derived from 'quest'? Because clearly, they were on a quest to make your phone bill as confusing as possible..
• Headline: The Frankel-Corbally Insurance Fraud Scheme. Impact: Frankel's insurance fraud scheme could have led to stricter regulations on financial practices, but instead, it just made people more creative in how they commit fraud. Thanks, Martin!. Fact: Did you know that $300 million could buy you 300 million candy bars? Or, you know, a very nice yacht. Just think of the options he had!.
• Headline: Breakthrough in Heart Disease Treatment Trials. Impact: The success of this heart drug could lead to a world where heart attacks are as rare as finding a payphone, but also, it might have caused a sudden boom in heart-shaped products. You know, just in case.. Fact: Fun fact: etanercept is not a new dance move, though you'd be forgiven for thinking it sounded like one at a very niche party..
• Headline: THE MARKETS: COMMODITIES. Impact: The sugar price drop might have sent shockwaves through the candy industry, resulting in a world where people unironically say, 'I prefer my sweets without the sugar rush.' How charming.. Fact: Did you know that sugar is technically a carbohydrate? So when you say you’re 'carb-loading,' you're just being a sugar addict in denial..
• Headline: At Gene Therapy's Frontier, the Amish Build a Clinic. Impact: The Amish stepping into gene therapy could have led to a future where everyone has a 'gene therapist' in their community, sparking a trend of farm-to-table gene editing. Talk about artisanal!. Fact: Fun fact: The Amish have been known to embrace technology selectively. Gene therapy? Sure! Cell phones? Not so much. Go figure..
• Headline: Unseeded Dokic, Age 16, Marches to Quarterfinals. Impact: Dokic's underdog victory might have inspired a whole generation of athletes to believe that anything is possible, which, as we know, is a dangerous thought. Look what happened to the last guy who believed in himself too much!. Fact: Did you know that Jelena Dokic's victory was so unexpected that even her own shadow was surprised? That's how low the expectations were!.
• Headline: Coke Scare Was Preceded By a May Case. Impact: The Coca-Cola contamination fiasco might have prompted stricter food safety regulations, or it may have just led to more people drinking water. Who knew? The horror!. Fact: Fun fact: Coca-Cola was originally marketed as a medicinal tonic. Apparently, it couldn't cure everything, especially not a bad reputation..
• Headline: SHATTERED LIVES -- A special report.; Caring Parents, No Answers, In Columbine Killers' Pasts. Impact: The Columbine tragedy cast a long shadow over American schools, leading to a generation of kids who never left home without a backpack full of anxiety. Thanks a lot, Eric and Dylan.. Fact: Did you know that the Columbine shooting was a catalyst for the widespread adoption of school resource officers? Because, you know, nothing says 'safe learning environment' like a cop in the hallway..