JUNE 3, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: ICJ Ignores Call to Stop NATO Bombing. Impact: The judges' refusal to halt NATO bombing might have inadvertently inspired a whole new genre of courtroom drama—'War Crimes: The Reality Show.' Spoiler: there are no winners.. Fact: Judges refusing to intervene in military actions is like a referee watching a boxing match and deciding a haymaker is just 'part of the game.'.
• Headline: Book Retailer Ends Bid for Wholesaler. Impact: Barnes & Noble's decision to abandon their merger might have been the moment Amazon realized they could dominate the book market. Thanks for the heads-up, guys!. Fact: Barnes & Noble trying to acquire Ingram was like trying to convince a T-Rex to share its meal—good luck with that..
• Headline: A Modern Master's Spirit Soars Anew. Impact: The revival of the Cranbrook Educational Community could have sparked a renaissance of architectural design, leading to a future where everyone just builds things that look like they belong in a children's fairy tale.. Fact: Building for the first time since the 40s? Talk about a long timeout!.
• Headline: MOSCOW AND WEST MAKING HEADWAY ON A KOSOVO PLAN. Impact: As Russia and the West found common ground on Kosovo, the world collectively held its breath, wondering if this would lead to a series of awkward diplomatic dinners filled with stale bread and forced smiles.. Fact: Negotiating with Slobodan Milosevic was like trying to negotiate with a toddler over candy—good luck getting anywhere without a meltdown..
• Headline: They're Unmanned, They Fly Low, and They Get the Picture. Impact: The increased use of drones in Kosovo may have inadvertently set off the obsession with surveillance, leading to the entire world becoming paranoid about being watched—thanks, NATO!. Fact: Drones are like that friend who shows up uninvited and starts filming everything. Not quite what you want when you’re trying to have a quiet war..
• Headline: In Spanish and Portuguese, Web Growth Spurt. Impact: The explosion of the Spanish and Portuguese-speaking internet market could have inadvertently led to an online battle for supremacy that makes the Cold War look like a friendly game of chess.. Fact: The internet growing in Latin America was like a fiesta where everyone suddenly realized they were invited—time to party with memes and cat videos!.