MAY 18, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fed Rate Concerns Impact US Treasury Notes. Impact: This news about interest rates set off a chain reaction. The lower rates urged everyone to borrow money to buy houses, which led to house-flipping shows on TV. And we all know how that ended—endless reality TV and the eventual housing crash. Thanks, Fed!. Fact: Did you know that 'interest' is just a fancy term for 'how much you’ll regret this decision later'?.
• Headline: Dow Jones and Reuters Join Forces Online. Impact: The merging of Dow Jones and Reuters birthed an era of news so fast it could make your head spin. This led to a world where we could get breaking news about a cat stuck in a tree in real-time. Thanks to them, you now have a never-ending scroll of corporate jargon at your fingertips!. Fact: Did you know that this partnership was so powerful, it could probably predict the stock market with the accuracy of a magic eight ball?.
• Headline: Commuter Tax Repeal in New York State. Impact: The repeal of the commuter tax led to an influx of suburbanites into the city, who promptly brought their avocado toast habits with them. This, in turn, resulted in many hipster coffee shops popping up and a nationwide addiction to overpriced lattes. You’re welcome, America!. Fact: Did you know that every time someone complains about high rent, an avocado toast gets its wings? Just kidding. Rent is still high..
• Headline: Study Finds the Richest Got Richer in 1998. Impact: This revelation that the rich got richer paved the way for the creation of numerous memes about the '1%'. It ignited a social media frenzy that would ultimately lead to countless hashtags and a new genre of influencer—'wealth awareness advocates'.. Fact: Did you know that '12 percent richer' is just another way of saying 'so rich they need a second yacht'?.
• Headline: Lott Warns He May Shelve Bill With Gun Restrictions. Impact: Lott's warning about gun legislation led to a never-ending loop of political maneuvering that still echoes today. It’s like watching a game of chess where everyone is too busy arguing about the rules to actually play the game.. Fact: Did you know that 'debate' is just a polite way of saying 'let’s shout over each other until one of us gives up'?.
• Headline: Decongestant Is Found Useless for Young Fliers' Earaches. Impact: This study caused a collective sigh of relief among parents everywhere, who realized they could save money on decongestants and just pack more snacks. It was the dawn of the 'snack economy' where airplane food was replaced with a plethora of gummy bears.. Fact: Did you know that parents have been using snacks as a distraction tactic since the dawn of time? Even cavemen had snack time!.
• Headline: A Brand-New Old Guard Presides at Cannes. Impact: Cannes became the epicenter of film gossip, and every director wanted their moment in the spotlight. This event spawned a million 'I was at Cannes' stories, many of which turned out to be just people eating croissants in a cafe.. Fact: Did you know that film festivals are basically just fancy parties where everyone pretends to have seen obscure films no one actually watched?.
• Headline: Climate Experts' New Worry: Altered Air Patterns. Impact: As climate experts began to worry about air patterns, a series of eco-friendly movements sprouted up, leading to the modern trend of 'greenwashing', where companies pretend to care about the environment while still pumping out plastic like it's 1999.. Fact: Did you know that 'eco-friendly' is often just a code word for 'we'll plant a tree if you buy our stuff'?.
• Headline: Accounts. Impact: This roundup of advertising changes marked the beginning of the era where every company felt the need to rebrand, leading to a nauseating cycle of logos that look like they were designed by a toddler with a crayon.. Fact: Did you know that advertising accounts are like high school cliques? The popular ones always seem to get the best logos..
• Headline: Market Place; Soros Advisers To Establish Separate Firm. Impact: The departure of investment specialists from Soros Fund Management forecasted a future where hedge fund managers would become celebrities in their own right, leading to the rise of financial influencers who somehow still can’t explain what a hedge fund actually is.. Fact: Did you know that hedge funds are just regular funds in disguise, wearing a fancy hat and pretending to be more important?.