MAY 12, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Dining Spots Open in NYC. Impact: The opening of the Landmark Club led to an unforeseen trend where all future clubs insisted on having 'landmark' in their names, resulting in an explosion of mediocre bars and restaurants across the nation. The phrase 'landmark' lost all meaning, much like the term 'gourmet'.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'landmark' was originally used to describe notable geographic features? Now it's just a euphemism for overpriced cocktails and artisanal cheese boards..
• Headline: Europe's Commitment to Military Strength. Impact: Europe's vow to bolster its military led to a series of awkwardly coordinated military parades that resulted in more accidental fireworks displays than actual defense strategies. The inadvertent pyrotechnics became a popular tourist attraction.. Fact: Did you know that NATO’s military campaigns often feel like a group project where one country does all the work while others just show up for the pizza?.
• Headline: THE MARKETS: COMMODITIES. Impact: The fall in crude oil prices caused panic among oil tycoons, leading to a secret society of billionaires who met in underground bunkers to discuss their next big investment: artisanal oil lamps.. Fact: Did you know that oil was originally used for lighting lamps, and now we just use it to fuel our cars and our anxiety? Progress!.
• Headline: THE MONEY TRAIL: A special report.; China Sent Cash to U.S. Bank, With Suspicions Slow to Rise. Impact: The revelation of China's cash funneling led to a series of complex international banking regulations, which only banks understood and everyone else found as confusing as assembling IKEA furniture without instructions.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'money talks' has never been truer than when it comes to international banking? It seems like it always speaks in a language nobody else understands..
• Headline: Meet The Wallflowers Of Bordeaux. Impact: Frank J Prial's column on second-label wines inadvertently started a trend of hipsters seeking out the 'worst' wines they could find, leading to a renaissance of fermented grape juice with questionable origins.. Fact: Did you know that second-label wines are essentially the 'oops' of the wine world? They’re like the B-sides that no one asked for but somehow still end up being a hit!.
• Headline: Angels Throw Challenge At Yanks. Impact: The Angels' unexpected victory over the Yankees sparked a series of underdog stories in sports, resulting in countless feel-good movies where the real triumph was just knowing how to not fall flat on your face.. Fact: Did you know that sports underdogs have a better survival rate in Hollywood than in real life? Guess it pays to have a good script!.
• Headline: U.N. Aide to Meet Milosevic, Angering Some. Impact: Mary Robinson's meeting with Milosevic became a flashpoint for international diplomacy, leading to a newfound appreciation for 'awkward silences' in meetings—an art form perfected by countless diplomats since.. Fact: Did you know that diplomacy often involves a lot of smiling and nodding while internally screaming? It's like attending a wedding where you don’t know anyone except the person who brought you..