MAY 11, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Louima's Harrowing Courtroom Cross-Examination. Impact: If only Louima had known that his ordeal would inspire countless discussions on police reform, maybe he would have brought a lawyer to the precinct instead of a prayer.. Fact: The 1997 incident would eventually lead to reforms in police practices, proving that sometimes being tortured can spark a movement. Who knew?.
• Headline: Whitman Secures Verniero for Supreme Court. Impact: Whitman's victory was like choosing the lesser of two evils; it set the stage for a series of questionable judicial decisions that would make reality TV judges look competent.. Fact: Verniero's appointment was so close that it could have been decided by a game of rock-paper-scissors. Spoiler: paper lost..
• Headline: Sports of The Times; Game 1? Forget Game 1. Impact: The NBA playoffs would forever be remembered as a series of forgettable Game 1s, leading to the age-old tradition of fans showing up late to the actual important games.. Fact: The Miami Heat's victory was so significant that it caused a ripple effect leading to the invention of 'sports bar' culture—because who doesn't want to watch a game where you can drink beer at the same time?.
• Headline: TV-Net Deals: One May Flop, The Other Flies. Impact: The failed USA Networks and Lycos merger was a critical moment that led to the rise of the internet's real winners—cat videos and meme culture. Thanks, guys!. Fact: Combining assets like home shopping and search engines was like mixing oil and water; it only resulted in confusion and a lot of angry investors..
• Headline: Almost Anyone Can Easily Get Pill Meant for the Truly Obese. Impact: Orlistat's rise to fame was like the 'Black Mirror' episode no one wanted; it made people wonder if the 'quick fix' would turn them into lab rats for pharmaceutical companies.. Fact: Orlistat was reminiscent of fen-phen, a diet pill combination that had so many side effects it practically came with a warning label: 'May cause existential crisis.'.
• Headline: When the Dragon Awakes . . .; . . . and Finds That It's Not 1999 Anymore. Impact: China's Y2K scare led to a rush of IT professionals, creating a boom in the tech industry and ensuring that everyone had a good excuse for why their computers were malfunctioning.. Fact: The idea that computers would crash on January 1, 2000, was so far-fetched that it inspired countless sci-fi movies—turns out, the real disaster was the 2000s fashion..
• Headline: Canadian Utility to Buy U.S. Power Plant. Impact: Transalta's acquisition of a U.S. power plant was like a game of Monopoly gone wrong; it only fueled the ongoing rivalry between Canadian and American energy companies.. Fact: Transalta's acquisition reminded everyone that energy companies are just like that friend who always wants to borrow your charger—it's not really a favor..
• Headline: NATO TO HIT SERBS FROM 2 MORE SIDES. Impact: NATO's expansion of bombing campaigns became the blueprint for future military interventions, proving that when in doubt, just add more bombs.. Fact: The strategic planning behind NATO's actions was so intricate that it could have been the plot of a bad action movie—complete with explosions and no actual plot..