MAY 7, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Milosevic Hopes for Kosovo Peace Agreement. Impact: Milosevic's optimism would eventually lead to a series of diplomatic faux pas that caused the term 'fair agreement' to be spoken only in sarcastic tones in future negotiations, forever tainting the phrase in international relations.. Fact: Did you know that 'fair agreement' is often used by politicians to mean 'I promise to ignore everything you want'?.
• Headline: Another Wall St. Building Converted to Housing. Impact: This renovation unleashed a gentrification wave so powerful that hipsters in Brooklyn started wearing Wall Street ties ironically, causing a serious shortage of flannel shirts.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more inflated than Wall Street's ego is the price of real estate in the area!.
• Headline: G.O.P. Unites Behind Bush for 2000. Impact: This united front would lead to a political environment where the phrase 'common agenda' became the euphemism for 'let's all agree to disagree while pretending we have a plan'.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more common than their 'agenda' was the number of times they changed it!.
• Headline: High School Rocks the Vote, Then Stands It on Its Head. Impact: The high school voting initiative inspired a generation of students to believe they could change the world, only to later realize that adulting was just voting for the lesser of two evils.. Fact: Did you know that most high school elections are decided by who has the best snacks at their campaign headquarters?.
• Headline: RUSSIA IN ACCORD ON NEED FOR FORCE TO PATROL KOSOVO -- After Pact, New Issues. Impact: This agreement set off a chain reaction leading to future generations questioning whether any peace agreement could ever be 'fair' again - echoing through the halls of history like a bad joke.. Fact: Did you know that when it comes to international agreements, 'accord' is just another word for 'let's hope this works out'? .
• Headline: American Digs Up His Roots in an Irish Flashback. Impact: This man's journey to find his roots triggered a nationwide trend of Americans exploring their ancestry, leading to a surge in questionable tattoos and overly enthusiastic family reunions.. Fact: Fun fact: Genealogy research often ends in discovering a long-lost relative who is either a pirate or a potato farmer..
• Headline: Lawmakers, Backing Bill For Kosovo, Add Billions. Impact: This influx of funding created a cycle of military spending that would continue to echo through the years, leading to future generations being baffled by how much money was spent on things that didn't seem to work.. Fact: Did you know that spending billions on military campaigns is a great way to ensure your tax dollars make more enemies than friends?.
• Headline: AT&T Conjures Up Its Vision For Cable, but Can It Deliver?. Impact: AT&T's ambitious plans led to a future where cable companies became synonymous with customer dissatisfaction, laying the groundwork for the streaming revolution that was just around the corner.. Fact: Fun fact: AT&T's vision for cable was so ambitious, it could have been a standalone science fiction novel!.