MAY 6, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Guiliani vs. Crew: School Construction Standoff. Impact: This little school board tussle set a precedent for future governance where decisions are made based on who has the loudest voice rather than what makes sense—a trend that would influence everything from local policies to reality TV.. Fact: Fun fact: This is the exact moment when 'not my problem' became the unofficial motto for school boards everywhere!.
• Headline: Stadium Financing? New Twist for N.F.L.. Impact: This financing agreement would pave the way for future sports teams to prioritize profit over everything else, leading to a world where stadiums are built faster than you can say 'ticket prices are outrageous!'. Fact: Spoiler alert: that $125 million loan is just a fancy way of saying, 'Welcome to the world of sports debt, where everyone loses except the owners!'.
• Headline: J. John Sepkoski Jr., 50, Dies; Changed Field of Paleontology. Impact: Sepkoski's groundbreaking research reshaped paleontology, making it a more scientifically rigorous field, and ensuring future generations would not confuse dinosaurs with giant lizards in their backyard.. Fact: His work is often cited as a reason why paleontologists don't just dig up bones but also have to learn complex math—because who doesn’t want to calculate extinction rates in their spare time?.
• Headline: Paul J. Henry, 72; Headed Hospital Agency. Impact: Henry's leadership in the hospital agency left a legacy of healthcare reform, influencing policies that would change how hospitals operate—hopefully for the better, but let's not hold our breath.. Fact: Isn’t it comforting to know that even in healthcare, bureaucracy remains the true MVP of inefficiency?.
• Headline: Open to Nature but Ready for Fire. Impact: This fire-resistant home innovation would inspire a trend of building homes that can withstand the elements, leading to a future where the phrase 'fireproof' is the new 'eco-friendly'—because who needs a roof over their heads when you can have a bunker?. Fact: Fun fact: this architect's house is proof that you can literally be prepared for anything—except a surprise visit from your in-laws..
• Headline: Supplies for Mexico's Needy Sit as Donor and Officials Argue. Impact: This bureaucratic standoff would inspire countless future humanitarian crises, proving that sometimes the biggest obstacle to helping people is, well, people themselves.. Fact: Isn’t it ironic that those who want to help are often caught in the web of red tape, while the needy are just trying to get a pencil or two?.
• Headline: Tony Barlow, 62, Lawyer and Philanthropist. Impact: Barlow's commitment to socially responsible investing would influence a generation of lawyers to rethink their priorities, leading to a world where some actually care about the greater good—shocking, I know.. Fact: His life serves as a reminder that not all lawyers are soulless; some actually have hearts—just don’t ask them to draft a contract!.