APRIL 10, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Midwest Storms and Tornadoes Devastate Region. Impact: The storms and tornadoes prompted a sudden increase in the popularity of basement renovations throughout the Midwest. Little did they know, this would inspire a future generation of homeowners to create underground man caves, leading to the great 'Man Cave Wars' of the 2020s.. Fact: Tornadoes are basically nature's way of reminding us that, yes, we are not in control. And they don't care about your picnic plans either..
• Headline: Seattle's Bookstore Rivalry Unveiled. Impact: The rivalry between local bookstores and online giants like Amazon led to a global trend of 'bookstore cafes' popping up everywhere. Who knew that a coffee-fueled literary love fest could also double as a hipster hangout?. Fact: Seattle's coffee culture is so strong that if you don't order a latte with a side of Shakespeare, you might get kicked out..
• Headline: Jordan's New Shortstop Partner Unveiled. Impact: Michael Jordan’s celebrity endorsement of Derek Jeter sparked a chain reaction in sports marketing, resulting in a future where athletes become influencers, and sports balls are replaced with branded merchandise. Say goodbye to the game, hello to the swag.. Fact: Michael Jordan and Derek Jeter could have formed a superteam of endorsements, making more money than entire countries. Who needs a government when you've got Air Jordans?.
• Headline: Escaping From Prison and From the Self. Impact: This escape attempt inspired a series of blockbuster movies in which the protagonists are sensitive young men who just want to find themselves—preferably while running from the law. The genre of 'man on the run' was born.. Fact: Isolated young men have a knack for escaping, which might explain why they tend to be the protagonists in every coming-of-age film ever made..
• Headline: How U.S. and China Failed to Close Trade Deal. Impact: The failure to close a trade deal marked the beginning of decades of 'almost there' negotiations, resulting in a new national sport of 'Trade Deal Golf,' where everyone just swings at nothing.. Fact: Negotiating trade deals is like trying to convince a cat to take a bath—it's tedious, messy, and usually ends with someone getting scratched..
• Headline: Apache Copters May Take Month to Be Combat-Ready. Impact: The delay in Apache helicopters being combat-ready caused the military to turn to alternative methods of combat, leading to the rise of drone warfare and a future where pilots never leave their sofas. Welcome to warfare 2.0!. Fact: They say necessity is the mother of invention, but in the military, it’s just a matter of who can hit the snooze button on their readiness..
• Headline: Invisible Tenant in New Tower?; Some Say Times Square's Conde Nast Building Is Jinxed. Impact: The alleged jinx of the Conde Nast Building ignited a whole new business of paranormal investigations in skyscrapers, resulting in a future where real estate tours come with ghost stories. Talk about a hauntingly good time!. Fact: If buildings could talk, the Conde Nast Building would probably just complain about its construction budget and the ghost of bad design choices..
• Headline: Coca-Cola Bid for Orangina Rebuffed by French Court. Impact: Coca-Cola’s failed bid to acquire Orangina led to an unexpected surge in the craft soda movement, where hipsters began brewing their own fizzy drinks in basements. Who knew rejection could lead to such carbonation creativity?. Fact: In France, Orangina is considered a national treasure, which makes Coca-Cola's failed bid kind of like trying to buy the Eiffel Tower—good luck with that!.
• Headline: Clinton Urges Petition Drive to Pass Health Plan. Impact: Clinton's push for a health care petition signaled the beginning of a long, arduous journey towards health care reform, leading to future generations debating health care in coffee shops, bars, and on social media. Because why not mix health and politics?. Fact: Petition drives are basically the adult version of getting people to sign your yearbook—everyone loves a good cause until they have to actually write their name down..