MARCH 7, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hearty Risotto: A Culinary Delight. Impact: The culinary choices of a few privileged diners caused a gastronomic revolution that led to an unending obsession with truffle oil, resulting in a world where every dish is now 'gourmet' and overpriced.. Fact: Did you know that risotto was so popular it caused a shortage of arborio rice? Yes, we really did let it get that far..
• Headline: Preserving Bridgehampton Race Circuit. Impact: This proposal to save a racetrack led to a chain reaction of legislative debates that ultimately resulted in the creation of the world's first 'Golf Course Preservation Society'—because who wouldn't want to save a golf course from being turned into a racetrack?. Fact: Fun fact: Legislators spending time on land purchases means they're not fighting over more pressing issues, like how many potholes can fit in a single street..
• Headline: Last-Minute Travel Deals Unveiled. Impact: The rise of last-minute E-fares ignited a global movement of spontaneous travelers, leading to an increase in airport selfies and the birth of the phrase 'I guess I'll just wing it'.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing cheaper than those last-minute fares is the airline's loyalty to customer satisfaction?.
• Headline: Who Is She, Anyway? Is She Her Resume?. Impact: Priscilla Lopez's struggles with identity in her career led to a cultural phenomenon where everyone started questioning if they were more than just their LinkedIn profiles, forever changing the way people approach job interviews—now it's all about the personal brand.. Fact: Did you know that before 'personal branding' was a thing, people just called it 'being a human'? What a concept!.
• Headline: Getting Ready for Baby With a Helping Hand; Five-Minute Doctor Visits Can Be Replaced With Midwife-Led Support Sessions. Impact: The shift towards midwifery led to a boom in personalized care, resulting in a future where doctors are now just a backup for midwives, and hospitals become the places you go when you want to avoid the midwife's judgment on your birthing plan.. Fact: Fun fact: The average time spent waiting for a five-minute doctor visit? About the same as actually giving birth..
• Headline: OUT OF BOUNDS -- A special report.; Growth in Women's Sports Stirs Harassment Issue. Impact: The revelations of harassment in women's sports catalyzed movements that transcended sports, leading to the eventual establishment of the 'Harassment Awareness Month', which no one actually observes but everyone pretends to care about.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more shocking than a female athlete speaking out against harassment is that some people still think this is a non-issue?.
• Headline: Once-Neglected Medium Takes On New Life. Impact: The revival of forgotten art mediums inspired a wave of 'hipster' artists who now only work in techniques that are at least 100 years old, leading to a new age of artistic pretentiousness.. Fact: Did you know that using wax and pigments is now considered groundbreaking? Next, they'll tell us finger painting is making a comeback..
• Headline: Fight of the (Next) Century; Converging Technologies Put Sony and Microsoft on a Collision Course. Impact: The tech rivalry between Sony and Microsoft set the stage for the console wars, which not only shaped gaming culture but also led to the birth of millions of online trolls who will argue about video games until the end of time.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more powerful than a gaming console is a gamer’s ability to complain about lag?.