MARCH 1, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Behind Olivetti's Move: Cellular Explosion. Impact: This hostile takeover turned Olivetti into a corporate giant, which inspired countless movies about the rise and fall of powerful companies. Spoiler alert: they all end with a dramatic boardroom confrontation. Fact: Did you know that in the corporate world, 'hostile takeover' is just a fancy way of saying 'I want what you have, and I’m not asking nicely'?.
• Headline: Once Promising Nets Have Fizzled Into Duds. Impact: The New Jersey Nets' decline inspired a new generation of motivational speakers who preach the value of resilience, mostly to empty arenas. Fact: Did you know that the New Jersey Nets' cheerleaders have a better winning record than the team itself? Just saying!.
• Headline: WHITMAN DISMISSES STATE POLICE CHIEF FOR RACE REMARKS. Impact: Whitman's dismissal of the police chief sparked a nationwide dialogue on race and policing, leading to a series of public service announcements that nobody actually wanted to watch. Fact: A little known fact: Politicians often dismiss people for saying the wrong thing—it's like a game of 'Who Said It Worst?'.
• Headline: Continents Apart, Williams Sisters Make History. Impact: The Williams sisters' simultaneous victory not only changed the game in tennis but also led to an influx of sibling duos trying to compete, resulting in the most awkward family reunions ever. Fact: Did you know that sibling rivalries in sports can sometimes lead to a lifetime supply of competitive banter at family dinners? Bon appétit!.
• Headline: Building on Borrowed Cachet; Cathleen Black Shakes Up the Culture at Hearst Magazines. Impact: Cathleen Black's shake-up inspired a trend in the publishing world where magazine editors began to take their jobs even less seriously, leading to publications with titles like 'Cats in Space'. Fact: Did you know that in the magazine world, 'shaking things up' usually means moving a few chairs around and changing the coffee brand?.
• Headline: Lord Eccles, 94, Dies; Tories' 'Smarty Boots'. Impact: The passing of Lord Eccles marked the end of an era, leading to a sudden increase in the usage of the phrase 'back in my day' among older Conservatives, which became the motto for nostalgia. Fact: Did you know that the average age of a British politician tends to rise dramatically at funerals? It's like a vintage wine tasting, but with fewer grapes.
• Headline: German Leader Is Popular, but Grip Seems Unsure. Impact: Schroeder's wobbly grip on power led to a political trend where leaders began employing more stand-up comedians as advisors, thinking humor could fix almost anything, including their approval ratings. Fact: Did you know that in politics, a leader’s popularity often peaks right before they trip on stage? It’s like a real-life episode of 'America’s Funniest Home Videos'.