FEBRUARY 4, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Models Organize Against Celebrity Covers. Impact: If models had organized back then, we could have seen an entirely different fashion landscape, possibly ruled by a 'Model Party' that would have made runway shows as dramatic as political debates. Imagine the catwalks filled with protest signs instead of couture.. Fact: Did you know that models actually have feelings too? Shocking, I know. But seriously, when will they stop pouting and start a revolution?.
• Headline: Judge Questions Microsoft Video Evidence Validity. Impact: This moment of judicial skepticism led Microsoft to invest in a whole new era of 'video evidence' that eventually resulted in endless meme content. Who knew a court case could give birth to the internet's obsession with cats and funny fails?. Fact: Did you know that Microsoft once thought video tapes were the future? Clearly, they missed the memo about the internet..
• Headline: Transitioning from Jordan to New Legends. Impact: Michael Jordan’s retirement sent shockwaves through the NBA, leading to a decade of questionable fashion choices and players attempting to fill his shoes—literally and figuratively—thus creating the rise of the 'second-rate superstar' phenomenon.. Fact: Did you know that after Jordan retired, basketballs were secretly replaced with inflatable versions? Just kidding, but the quality of play did take a hit..
• Headline: Found in Space. Impact: The addition of a mezzaine in a Greenwich Village apartment led to an unforeseen trend of urban space-saving hacks, which ultimately inspired the world’s obsession with tiny homes and loft living. Thanks, Naomi, for the future's cramped quarters!. Fact: Did you know that tiny homes are just a modern version of 'let's pretend we don't have a lot of stuff'? Because nothing says 'success' like living in a glorified shed..
• Headline: Mayor Seeks to Move City Campaign Finance Board to Brooklyn. Impact: This strategic move was like a game of political chess, creating a ripple effect that would lead to future mayors thinking they could just shuffle around departments like pieces on a board. Spoiler alert: they were wrong.. Fact: Did you know that moving a board to Brooklyn is considered 'strategic' in political terms? Because nothing screams 'transparency' like relocating bureaucrats to a hipster borough..
• Headline: Banking on the Unbanks; Tellerless Wonders Are Reinventing Small-Business Lending. Impact: The rise of tellerless banking has led us to the current age where human interaction is optional, and the phrase 'talk to a live person' is about as extinct as the dodo bird. Thanks for the convenience, but where are all the friendly tellers?. Fact: Did you know that the most excitement you can have in a bank these days is watching a machine spit out cash? Oh, the thrill!.
• Headline: John Service, a Purged 'China Hand,' Dies at 89. Impact: John Service's death marked the fading memory of the McCarthy era and the purges that followed, reminding us that history often repeats itself—only now, it has better PR and social media coverage.. Fact: Did you know that being a 'China Hand' in the 1950s could get you purged? Today, being a 'China Hand' is just a LinkedIn endorsement away..
• Headline: Year of the Circling Wagons. Impact: Julia Sweeney’s family reunion could have inspired a wave of Hollywood family dramas, making 'get-togethers' the new trend for movie plots, where everyone just awkwardly sits around reminiscing about the good old days.. Fact: Did you know family reunions are just an excuse for relatives to awkwardly reconnect and discuss how everyone is doing worse than they were last year?.
• Headline: Angered by H.M.O.'s Treatment, More Doctors Are Joining Unions. Impact: The unionization of doctors paved the way for a future where explaining medical bills became an Olympic sport, and waiting for an appointment turned into an adventure in patience. Thanks, HMOs!. Fact: Did you know that doctors joining unions means they can now collectively bargain? Because nothing says 'I care' like negotiating over coffee breaks..
• Headline: Fed Decides To Maintain Interest Rates. Impact: By keeping interest rates steady, the Fed inadvertently taught us all how to be experts in the art of waiting—waiting for better rates, waiting for the economy to stabilize, and waiting for their next decision to confuse us.. Fact: Did you know that the Federal Reserve's idea of excitement is maintaining interest rates? Someone get them a party hat!.