FEBRUARY 3, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: Youth in the Sommelier Profession. Impact: As more restaurants hired underage sommeliers, a bizarre trend emerged: wine tasting became the most popular 'underage' activity in America after high school football. This shift led to a spike in wine knowledge among teens but also an increase in parents pretending to be 'cool' by letting their kids taste their Merlot.. Fact: Did you know? The average age of a sommelier is now just a few years older than a typical high school senior. Who knew wine tasting required less experience than driving a car?.
• Headline: Brazil Names A Soros Ally To Head Bank. Impact: By appointing a Soros ally as the head of Brazil's central bank, financial chaos ensued, resulting in a butterfly effect that saw thousands of Brazilians suddenly becoming amateur economists, debating monetary policy over coffee like it was the latest gossip.. Fact: Did you know that George Soros once made a bet against the British pound? He probably should have just bet on the next central bank president to keep things exciting!.
• Headline: Jordan Makes Few Changes In His Previous Testimony. Impact: Jordan's testimony was so lackluster that it inspired future defense attorneys to adopt the mantra: 'If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with... well, whatever this was.' It also led to a decline in the public's interest in impeachment trials, shifting focus to more riveting topics like paint drying.. Fact: Did you know? Vernon Jordan's testimony was so boring that it was almost a cure for insomnia. Many senators reportedly took naps during the proceedings..
• Headline: $25 and Under; A Tiny, Welcoming Island in a Bland Sea of Salsas. Impact: The opening of Flor's Kitchen set off a culinary revolution in New York, leading to a wave of Venezuelan restaurants sprouting up everywhere, thus making it possible for hipsters to claim they were 'into Latin cuisine' while still eating avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know? The average hipster's diet now includes more Venezuelan dishes than actual Venezuelans have eaten in a lifetime. Bon appétit!.
• Headline: DAMAGED BY TRIAL, SENATE'S STANDING SINKS IN NEW POLL. Impact: The Senate's sinking standing led to a new political strategy: the 'Blame Game,' which became a national pastime. Politicians now had a new excuse for not doing their jobs: 'It’s not my fault, the Senate did it!'. Fact: Did you know? Polls showed that Americans were more likely to trust a used car salesman than the Senate during this time. At least the car had a warranty!.
• Headline: 'Monica' Playing Here. Plenty of Seating Available.. Impact: The senators watching Lewinsky's testimony in a casual setting turned impeachment into a reality show for politicians. This set a precedent for future political scandals to be treated like entertainment, paving the way for modern political drama series and 'Political Survivor.'. Fact: Did you know? After this event, Congress considered adding a popcorn stand to the Senate chambers to boost viewer ratings during trials. Just another way to keep democracy delicious!.
• Headline: A Case For Cubism And Deals With Devils. Impact: The release of House/Lights inspired a resurgence of experimental theater, leading to a decade where audiences wondered whether they were watching art or just a group of people throwing paint at each other while discussing their feelings.. Fact: Did you know? Gertrude Stein’s work inspired more confusion than clarity, proving that sometimes, the more abstract the art, the more you can charge for it!.