JANUARY 21, 1999

Full News Archive

• Headline: GE Sees Strong Profit Surge in Q4. Impact: This profit gain led G.E. to focus more on service work, which eventually morphed into a global obsession with outsourcing. If only they had focused on making light bulbs... think of all the energy saved!. Fact: G.E. was once so powerful, it could probably sell you a toaster that also doubles as a time machine. Spoiler: it only goes back to 1998..
• Headline: Retailer Recalls Fleece Robes for Safety. Impact: This recall may have saved countless fashion-conscious children from becoming walking fire hazards, but it also sparked a nationwide panic over 'dangerous' fleece. Who knew that comfort could be so deadly?. Fact: The only thing more flammable than those robes was the outrage from parents who thought they were buying cozy, safe attire for their kids..
• Headline: Lumber Prices Soar Following Home Building Boom. Impact: The lumber price surge led to a DIY home improvement craze that resulted in more people fighting with power tools than ever before. Thank you, government reports, for igniting the home renovation disaster of the 2000s.. Fact: Lumber prices hit such highs that squirrels started charging rent for the trees they lived in. Gotta make that nut somehow!.
• Headline: Defense Challenges Impeachment 'Mumbo Jumbo'. Impact: This impeachment trial was one of those 'butterfly effect' moments that made political scandals a staple of American culture. Thanks, Clinton, for giving us decades of reality TV and political drama.. Fact: If only Clinton had been a better poker player, he might have avoided all this mumbo jumbo. But then, who wouldn't want to raise the stakes in politics?.
• Headline: Questions Clouding Future Of Men's Shelter at Bellevue. Impact: The shuttering of shelters led to a domino effect of homelessness issues that cities are still grappling with today. Turns out, ignoring the problem doesn't make it go away—who knew?. Fact: This drama at the Bellevue shelter could have inspired a reality show: 'Survivor: Urban Edition.' Spoiler alert: no one wins..
• Headline: Federal-Mogul Contract. Impact: Federal-Mogul's contract with DaimlerChrysler set off a chain reaction of automotive innovations that resulted in more complex engines. And yet, we still can't figure out how to fix our own cars without a YouTube tutorial.. Fact: The $30 million contract was probably just enough to fund the coffee supply for the engineers working on the engines. Priorities!.
• Headline: When Your Bottler Is Your Rival; Vending-Machine Owners Ask Whose Side Coke Is On. Impact: The vending machine wars led to an absurdly competitive beverage market where consumers are left with more choices than they can handle. Thanks to Coke, hydration now comes with a side of corporate drama.. Fact: The only thing more confusing than Coke's marketing strategy is trying to figure out which vending machine has the best snack options. Spoiler: it’s never the one you choose..
• Headline: Amtrak, Fighting Red Ink, Adds a Variety of Freight Business. Impact: Amtrak's pivot to freight opened a Pandora's box of transportation logistics that made railroads cool again, but also led to more 'train delays' jokes than anyone could handle. Thanks, Congress!. Fact: Amtrak's freight business was so successful, it almost made people forget they were supposed to be a passenger service. Almost..
• Headline: SBC Communications to Buy Comcast Cellular Operations. Impact: SBC's acquisition of Comcast's cellular operations was a major step toward a future where we have more bills, fewer choices, and a severe lack of signal in remote areas. Progress?. Fact: This deal was so big, it could have funded a small country's yearly phone bill. But hey, who needs good service when you have consolidation?.
• Headline: The Rule of Law Protects the President, Too, a Counsel Tells the Senate. Impact: This defense of the president reinforced the belief that the law is subjective, a trend that continues to fuel political theater. Thanks for the precedent, Cheryl Mills!. Fact: If only the law protected all of us as much as it protects politicians, we might not need so many lawyers. But then, what would they do for a living?.