DECEMBER 29, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Denver's Downtown Living Boom. Impact: If Denver had focused on creating more parking lots instead of apartments, the city's traffic would have turned into a standstill of epic proportions. But hey, who needs livable cities when you can have endless asphalt?. Fact: Did you know that Denver's altitude is higher than most of your emotional states after a long day? Welcome to the Mile High City!.
• Headline: NBA Standoff: Stern vs. Players' Union. Impact: David Stern's refusal to negotiate could have led to the NBA players forming a union of their own, prompting a world where basketball was played with just three people on each side. A real game-changer!. Fact: Did you know that the NBA was once almost called the BAA, but they realized it didn’t sound cool enough for slam dunks?.
• Headline: Shifts in German Political Leadership. Impact: Otto Schily's rise to power marked the start of a new age in German politics, leading to an era where a politician’s past was just as important as their public persona—talk about a plot twist worthy of a soap opera!. Fact: Did you know that Germans have a word for everything? Even their politicians have 'checkered pasts'—just not the kind you hang on your wall!.
• Headline: The Universe as Telescope. Impact: Gravitational lensing could have inspired conspiracy theories about aliens using invisible matter to spy on us. Thanks, science, for giving the conspiracy theorists more fuel for their fire!. Fact: Did you know that dark matter makes up about 27% of the universe? It's like the universe's way of saying, 'I have secrets, and I’m not telling!'.
• Headline: Mentor Raises Takeover Bid For Quickturn. Impact: The bidding war over Quickturn might have sparked a tech revolution where companies would only buy each other after a series of rock-paper-scissors matches. Now that would be a sight to see!. Fact: Did you know that in corporate takeovers, the real prize isn't the company, but the chance to make a really terrible movie about it?.
• Headline: 82 Smuggled Immigrants in a 3-Day Period, a Record, Are Seized in Florida. Impact: The record number of immigrant seizures might have led to the creation of a new Florida reality show titled 'Survivor: Border Patrol Edition.' Who needs scripted drama when you've got real-life tension?. Fact: Did you know that Florida is known for its bizarre news stories? This one is just another chapter in the state’s ongoing saga of 'What will they do next?'.
• Headline: Religious Leaders Plan Schools With Public Funds in New York. Impact: If these religious leaders succeed, it could lead to a future where every church offers more degrees than universities—because nothing says 'education' like a sermon on the side!. Fact: Did you know that charter schools are like the fast food of education? Quick, cheap, and you never know what you’re going to get!.
• Headline: The Role of a Lifetime; The Past Has Been Preparation for Zoe Wanamaker's Triumph as Electra. Impact: Zoe Wanamaker's success could have sparked an influx of actors trying to find their 'Electra' moment—resulting in a Broadway filled with actors having existential crises on stage!. Fact: Did you know that Zoe Wanamaker was blacklisted during the McCarthy era? Talk about a dramatic plot twist in her life story!.
• Headline: Bus Drivers, Reflecting on 2 Crashes, Tell of Stress. Impact: These bus drivers’ stress could have led to a new trend where every bus ride becomes an adrenaline-pumping thrill ride—think roller coasters, but with more stops!. Fact: Did you know that bus drivers have the real-life version of a 'choose your own adventure' book? Except their choices often involve avoiding potholes and cranky passengers!.