DECEMBER 27, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Year's Eve Musical Showcase in New Jersey. Impact: The New Jersey music scene flourished, leading to an awkward state-wide dance-off every New Year's Eve, resulting in a surge of leg injuries and questionable fashion choices.. Fact: New Jersey is the only state where music can literally be a life-threatening experience, especially if you accidentally step on someone’s foot during a ‘dance battle’..
• Headline: Tournament of Roses Parade's Vibrant Legacy. Impact: The Tournament of Roses Parade evolved into a massive spectacle, eventually inspiring a reality show where floats compete for the title of 'Most Over-the-Top Floral Arrangement.'. Fact: The only thing more inflated than the floats are the egos of the parade organizers. Just wait until they get wind of reality TV ratings!.
• Headline: Fixing a Road That Drivers Had Overrun. Impact: The road construction created a ripple effect of traffic jams, leading to a sudden boom in the coffee shop industry as drivers needed caffeine to survive their commutes.. Fact: New Jersey drivers have mastered the art of honking in frustration; it’s practically a second language at this point..
• Headline: An Ugly America, Iraqis Say; No Reflection on Americans. Impact: The Iraqi people's friendliness despite hardships led to a cultural export of hospitality that eventually led to international 'Friendship Festivals'—because who doesn't love awkward small talk?. Fact: It's a little-known fact that Iraqis have perfected the art of making you feel welcome while simultaneously side-eyeing your government. Multitasking at its finest!.
• Headline: Brodeur Gives Up One Goal Too Many. Impact: Brodeur's one-goal mishap launched an entire series of memes about goalies, leading to a phenomenon where every goalie in the league began to seek therapy for their fragile egos.. Fact: In the world of hockey, letting in one goal is like a bad haircut; you’re never allowed to forget it, and it takes months to regain your confidence..
• Headline: Where Time Began; As the millennium nears, the place to go is Greenwich, where tradition meets Cool Britannia's controversial new dome. Impact: Greenwich's promotion as a millennium hotspot led to an influx of tourists, creating a bizarre phenomenon of people celebrating the new year in the middle of a digital clock.. Fact: The Millennium Dome was so controversial, it almost became a reality TV show contestant on 'America's Next Top Model'—but alas, it lacked the right attitude..
• Headline: Long Island Retailers Discover The Selling Power of the Web. Impact: Long Island retailers' embrace of the internet ultimately led to a dystopia where shopping carts are now more sentient than the average customer.. Fact: If you think your online shopping habits are bad, just wait until your shopping cart starts sending you personalized ads based on your snack choices..