DECEMBER 7, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Adrien Brody's Rise to Stardom. Impact: If Adrien Brody hadn't made it big, who knows how many future actors would have given up on their dreams? Maybe Hollywood would be filled with baristas instead of stars, and we'd all be watching movies made by robots.. Fact: Adrien Brody once won an Oscar for Best Actor, proving that persistence pays off—unless you’re trying to get a decent cup of coffee in Hollywood..
• Headline: New Jersey's Garbage Dispute with New York. Impact: The New York-New Jersey garbage feud led to a thriving underground economy of trash talk and a reality TV series that would eventually inspire the tagline, "One man’s trash is another man’s reality show." . Fact: New Jersey's low self-esteem has been a longstanding issue—it's almost like they were the kid picked last in gym class, but instead of sports, they got trash..
• Headline: Expansion of Agency Roles Announced. Impact: If Martin Agency hadn’t landed that gig, perhaps the world would’ve been spared the onslaught of terrible liquor ads that convinced people to drink tequila straight from the bottle.. Fact: Brown-Forman Beverages Worldwide sounds fancy, but it’s just a way of saying they sell alcohol. Cheers to marketing!.
• Headline: Pressure Rises For Moderates From G.O.P.. Impact: The GOP moderates’ struggle over impeachment could have led to an alternate universe where Congress was known for getting things done instead of just posturing—and we can’t have that, can we?. Fact: Moderate Republicans are like unicorns: they’re mythical and probably don’t exist anymore, at least not in the same numbers they used to..
• Headline: Ultimate Bowl Arrives; So Does Call for a Playoff. Impact: The Bowl Championship Series was the spark that ignited thousands of pointless arguments in living rooms across America—proving once again that college football is the real national pastime.. Fact: The inaugural BCS also marked the beginning of the yearly tradition of couch potatoes losing their voices from yelling at the TV..
• Headline: PC Companies And Bells To Petition U.S.. Impact: The push for relaxed FCC regulations may have inadvertently led to the internet as we know it today—full of cat videos and conspiracy theories instead of actual progress.. Fact: If you think the FCC and tech giants getting together is a good idea, I have a bridge to sell you—complete with a high-speed internet connection..
• Headline: Angry Ex-Ally Rejects Netanyahu's Call to Rejoin the Cabinet. Impact: David Levy's refusal to rejoin Netanyahu's cabinet could have sent shockwaves through Israeli politics, leading to a reality where politicians actually respected each other—oh, wait, that’s just wishful thinking.. Fact: In Israeli politics, rejecting an offer is almost as popular as accepting one—it's like a game of musical chairs, but no one ever wins..
• Headline: As Most of Ireland Prospers, the Poor Lament a Deepening Social Chasm. Impact: The widening gap in Ireland could have inspired a new genre of literature: miserable poetry about poverty, which eventually became a bestseller in hipster bookstores worldwide.. Fact: As Ireland became richer, the poor lamented—because nothing says 'we've made it' like a nation that can afford to ignore its less fortunate citizens..