NOVEMBER 28, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: City Hall Closed: A New Era of Security. Impact: City Hall's doors closing leads to a surge in underground government meetings, inspiring a new trend in urban exploration. Fast forward a century, and it becomes a rite of passage for hipsters seeking to 'find the real city.'. Fact: Fun fact: City Hall was built in 1811 and has been the site of many important political decisions. Now, it's just a fancy building people try to peek into..
• Headline: Providing a Physical Form for the Emotions. Impact: The play 'The Women of Orleans' garners attention, leading to a series of emotionally-charged performances across the world. Eventually, this culminates in a global wave of theatre that makes performances more about feelings than actual plots, confusing audiences for decades.. Fact: Did you know that theatre has been around since ancient Greece? Apparently, they also had their share of existential crises and melodrama..
• Headline: Reports on Japan Economy Show Recovery Is Not Yet in Sight. Impact: Japan's economic woes lead to a global ripple effect, causing an influx of 'how to survive a recession' seminars worldwide. Eventually, this leads to the rise of motivational speakers who charge exorbitant fees to tell you to 'keep your chin up.'. Fact: Fun fact: Japan's Lost Decade in the '90s saw economic stagnation that lasted longer than most people's attention spans in a Zoom meeting..
• Headline: Javier Garcia Paniagua, 61, Mexican Ruling Party Loyalist. Impact: Javier Garcia Paniagua's death marks the end of an era for the 'dinosaurs' of the Institutional Revolutionary Party, paving the way for a generation of younger politicians who still have no idea how to use social media.. Fact: Did you know that Javier was known for his hard-line views? In the political world, that's like being the last person to leave the party while insisting it wasn't even that fun..
• Headline: Hong Kong Says Economy Shrank 7% in Quarter. Impact: Hong Kong's economic shrinkage leads to an influx of financial analysts who write books on 'what not to do in a recession,' which are ironically bestsellers in the next decade. Turns out, failure is a great teacher.. Fact: Did you know that Hong Kong has been a financial hub for over a century? This means they've had plenty of practice in recovering from economic crises. Maybe they should start teaching classes on it..
• Headline: Tony Dorsett, Move Over. Impact: Ricky Williams breaking the rushing record inspires a generation of kids to pursue football, but also leads to a spike in backyard injuries and parents questioning their life choices. In the long run, it gives rise to a new reality show: 'Football Moms Gone Wild.'. Fact: Did you know that Ricky Williams once retired to travel the world and study alternative medicine? Talk about taking a break from tackling life's challenges!.
• Headline: Maine Banking Change. Impact: The banking change in Maine sets off a chain reaction of retirements in the finance sector, leading to a nationwide trend of people leaving their jobs to 'find themselves.' This ultimately causes a shortage of experienced bankers and a rise in avocado toast prices.. Fact: Did you know that the average retirement age keeps getting pushed back? At this rate, we'll all be working until we’re 100 just to afford a decent latte..