OCTOBER 17, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: NATO Extends Deadline for Milosevic's Withdrawal. Impact: Milosevic's 10-day reprieve led to a series of diplomatic blunders that resulted in NATO inadvertently starting a fashion trend for conflict resolution: 'Delay, Deny, Deflect'. This would later inspire countless politicians to master the art of procrastination.. Fact: Did you know that Milosevic once attempted to negotiate peace with a bowl of soup? Turns out, he was just really hungry..
• Headline: Honoring Matthew Shepard's Legacy. Impact: The tragic murder of Matthew Shepard sparked a wave of LGBTQ+ rights activism that rippled through decades, leading to the eventual establishment of hate crime laws. Every step forward was fueled by the anger of those who refused to let his death be in vain.. Fact: Interestingly, no one ever expected that the phrase 'It gets better' would become a rallying cry for equality instead of a bad motivational poster..
• Headline: Mercy or Murder? A Controversial Arrest. Impact: Dr. Zancope's arrest caused a nationwide debate about assisted suicide, leading to various states introducing laws that were more confusing than the plot of 'Inception'. Guess who still didn't get clarity? That’s right, the terminally ill.. Fact: In case you were wondering, pacts for assisted suicide never included 'one free consultation with a lawyer'—because who doesn't want to add legal fees to their terminal illness?.
• Headline: Maynard Parker, the Editor Of Newsweek, Is Dead at 58. Impact: Parker's death left a void at Newsweek that would be filled by countless memes and hot takes on the internet, forever changing how we consume news—because who needs facts when you have hashtags?. Fact: Newsweek's articles were so in-depth, they often required a degree in archaeology just to dig through the layers of information..
• Headline: Owners Would Expand Union's Luxury Tax Idea. Impact: The 'Killer Doll' saga pushed horror films to new levels of ridiculousness, eventually inspiring an entire generation of filmmakers to create sequels that no one asked for—because why not?. Fact: If you ever wondered why dolls are creepy, just remember: they’ve been plotting world domination since the dawn of time—right next to that one cat that seems to stare at you too much..
• Headline: Carrying a Torch for a Malevolent Doll.