OCTOBER 13, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Brooklyn's Own Nobel Prize Winner. Impact: Dr. Furchgott's discovery of nitric oxide as a signaling molecule in the cardiovascular system inadvertently led to an explosion of late-night infomercials for 'miracle' supplements claiming to boost nitric oxide levels. Because who doesn't want their science diluted into a pill?. Fact: Did you know that Dr. Furchgott's work was so influential, it turned him into a poster child for science? The only downside? No one actually reads the fine print on those posters..
• Headline: Clinton Seeks Votes for Schumer, Who Is Away, Casting Some. Impact: Clinton's endorsement of Schumer during this fundraiser inadvertently led to an increase in celebrity endorsements in politics, turning elections into popularity contests where candidates had to outshine each other with flashy appearances. Because who needs policies when you have star power?. Fact: They say politics is showbiz for ugly people, but with Clinton filling in for Schumer, it was like a B-list actor trying to steal the limelight from a Hollywood A-lister. Spoiler: it didn’t work..
• Headline: No Gain in Backward Exercise, Experts Say. Impact: The backward exercise craze, while quickly debunked, inspired a generation of fitness enthusiasts to try increasingly ridiculous workout trends, eventually culminating in the invention of 'underwater basket weaving aerobics.' Because why not?. Fact: Experts say backward exercising is just a way to feel like you're going somewhere while actually getting nowhere—much like most of our lives, really..
• Headline: Country Journal; For a Couple, An Idyllic Life Turns to Ruins. Impact: The cautionary tale of Jeff and Mary served as a wake-up call for urbanites, leading to a brief spike in DIY extermination tutorials on YouTube. Turns out, watching an exterminator is far more entertaining than actually hiring one.. Fact: Isn't it funny how idyllic escapes can turn into horror stories? Just think of it as a plot twist in a bad rom-com—except this one is real and involves property damage..
• Headline: New Earnings Criteria. Impact: The new earnings criteria led to a wave of corporations scrambling to inflate their revenues, a practice that eventually spiraled out of control and contributed to the 2008 financial crisis. Who knew that a little number tweaking could snowball into a global disaster?. Fact: The new criteria may have seemed like a smart move, but it’s just corporate speak for 'let's make our financial problems look less embarrassing.'.
• Headline: THE MARKETS: CURRENCIES. Impact: The rise of the US dollar against the yen led to an increased focus on currency trading, which eventually birthed the phenomenon of day trading and the rise of 'internet experts' who think they can predict the markets with a magic crystal ball.. Fact: Currency trading is basically gambling for people who think they're smarter than everyone else. Spoiler: they're usually not..