SEPTEMBER 19, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Marlins Thrill Fans with Epic Win. Impact: If the Marlins hadn't won that fateful game, perhaps the Mets would have become the dominant team in the NL. Who knows, we might have seen an alternate timeline where the Marlins are just a footnote in baseball history, while the Mets are still hopelessly stuck in the 80s. Thanks, Franco!. Fact: Did you know that the Marlins' victory party probably involved more confetti than actual fans? It's a good thing they had a wild card to play, because no one was showing up otherwise..
• Headline: Rise of Catholicism Under Pope John Paul II. Impact: The rise in baptized Roman Catholics during the papacy of John Paul II set off a chain reaction that led to more elaborate church ceremonies, increased demand for holy water, and what some might argue is an overabundance of rosaries sold at airports. You know, the real sacramental stuff.. Fact: Pope John Paul II was the first pope to travel extensively, which was a major upgrade from the days when popes were basically just stuck in their Vatican office, waiting for the next big theological debate..
• Headline: Joan Mister's Epic American Road Trip. Impact: Joan Mister's epic road trip likely inspired thousands to embark on their own journeys, resulting in a significant uptick in roadside diner coffee consumption and the birth of countless Instagram travel influencers. Thanks, Joan, for modernizing the midlife crisis.. Fact: Did you know that driving 30,000 miles in six months means she probably spent more time in her car than most people do in their offices? Talk about a commute!.
• Headline: A Race Gets Rough in a New York Minute. Impact: The early negative tone of this campaign surely set the stage for all future political races, where mudslinging became the new norm. Because who needs policies when you can just throw insults like confetti?. Fact: Did you know that the average American spends more time looking for a good candidate than actually voting? It's like choosing a Netflix show, but with higher stakes and less popcorn..
• Headline: De La Hoya Gets His Wish, as Chavez Concedes. Impact: De La Hoya's victory led to a boost in boxing popularity, creating a ripple effect that made fistfights in bars slightly more acceptable and led to the rise of countless 'Rocky' montages in gym playlists.. Fact: Did you know that De La Hoya's nickname is 'The Golden Boy'? I guess he figured if you're going to get punched in the face, you might as well look fabulous doing it..
• Headline: Buyback by Estee Lauder. Impact: Estee Lauder's buyback might have been a savvy financial move, but it also set off a chain reaction in the beauty industry, where stock buybacks became the new 'it' thing to do instead of, you know, actually selling products.. Fact: Did you know that stock buybacks are basically just corporations saying, 'We don't know what else to do with our money, so let's pretend this is a good idea!'.
• Headline: Running With the Alpacas?; A Modern-Day Golden Fleece at $5,000 a Head and Up. Impact: The rise of alpaca breeding not only boosted the economy for a niche market but also led to a trend of people naming their pets after mythical creatures, because why not? Expect to see more unicorns and dragons in your neighborhood soon.. Fact: Did you know that alpacas are basically just fancy llamas? If you ever needed a reason to start an Instagram account, there's your answer right there!.