SEPTEMBER 10, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Clinton's Struggle with Defecting Democrats. Impact: Clinton's struggle to keep his party in line set off a chain reaction that would lead to more political drama in the U.S. than an entire season of reality TV, and we all know how that ended—spoiler: with more drama.. Fact: Did you know that political parties are like high school cliques? If you don't have a solid 'in' group, you're just going to sit alone at lunch..
• Headline: Ferraro's 1998 Senate Campaign Overview. Impact: Ferraro's mixed reviews would inspire future candidates to hire better PR teams, leading to the rise of the political spin doctor—because who needs honesty when you can just rebrand?. Fact: Did you know that Geraldine Ferraro was the first female vice-presidential candidate for a major U.S. political party? And yet, that still didn't result in a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card for all future candidates..
• Headline: Metro Business; Insurer to Change Name. Impact: The name change from Blue Cross/Blue Shield to Horizon was the start of a corporate identity crisis epidemic, leading to companies everywhere thinking that a new logo could mask their existential dread.. Fact: Did you know that changing a company name is statistically proven to confuse customers? It’s like getting a new haircut and expecting everyone to notice you right away..
• Headline: Who? The Democrat for What?; Barrage of Similar Ads Blurs Candidates and Messages. Impact: This ad onslaught caused an unforeseen side effect: a generation of voters developed acute ad fatigue, leading to the rise of influencers who simply shout into the void instead of running for office.. Fact: Did you know that political ads have become so similar that even the candidates themselves sometimes forget which one they are in? Just like a bad soap opera..
• Headline: U.N. Keeps Sanctions on Iraq, Citing Its Balking of Monitors. Impact: The continued sanctions created a diplomatic standoff that would echo through history, leading to a legacy of 'I told you so' moments that politicians will reference for decades while still managing to do nothing.. Fact: Did you know that U.N. sanctions are like timeouts for countries? They get to sit in the corner and think about what they did, but nobody ever really learns anything..
• Headline: Every Dog Has Its Data; The Web Has Pets the Way Pets Have Fleas, and There's No Leash Law. Impact: The internet pet craze eventually led to the creation of countless cat memes, the internet's unofficial currency, and a cultural shift where more people care about their pets' social media presence than their own.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, dogs will have their own Instagram accounts? Because clearly, they need to be more famous than their owners..
• Headline: THE MARKETS: Economic Scene; Twisting Controls on Currency and Capital. Impact: This economic crisis paved the way for future generations to blame their financial woes on everything from global warming to their morning coffee choices, creating a new level of accountability avoidance.. Fact: Did you know that economic crises are like uninvited guests at a party? They show up unannounced and suddenly everyone has to pretend they’re having a great time..
• Headline: City Schools Face Only a Few Glitches on Opening Day; A Brand-New Building. Impact: The successful opening of the school led to a false sense of hope that all future school openings would go smoothly, setting the stage for years of parents showing up with emergency snacks and a backup plan.. Fact: Did you know that the first day of school is basically a test of patience for parents? You never really know what’s going to happen until it’s too late..