AUGUST 14, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Geocities' Landmark Online Privacy Agreement. Impact: This privacy deal may have inadvertently spawned an entire industry of privacy advocates and tech-savvy conspiracy theorists convinced that their toaster is spying on them. Thanks, Geocities! Now we have to install antivirus software on our coffee machines. Fact: Did you know that Geocities was the original influencer platform? Yes, back when 'followers' meant people you knew in real life and not just strangers on the internet.
• Headline: Woods Sets Record at PGA Championship. Impact: Woods' stellar performance set off a chain reaction of increased golf memberships and a surge in polo shirt sales. Suddenly, every dad in America decided he could swing a club like Tiger—spoiler alert: they couldn't. Fact: Did you know that before becoming a golf legend, Tiger Woods had a brief stint as a puppy trainer? Just kidding, but wouldn’t that have been a fun twist?.
• Headline: Rare Alliance in the Rockies Strives to Save Open Spaces. Impact: This alliance between nature lovers and developers has led to a new trend where hiking trails are now lined with overpriced real estate signs. Because nothing says 'serenity' like a view of your neighbor's hot tub. Fact: Did you know that the Rocky Mountains have more real estate agents per square mile than actual bears? Now that’s a statistic to ponder while hiking.
• Headline: Tyson Bid to Return Is Shifted to Nevada. Impact: Tyson's move to Nevada not only opened the door for his comeback but also established a new precedent for athletes: If you can't succeed at home, just move to a place where the rules are more flexible, like a kid in a candy store. Fact: Fun fact: Nevada is now considering changing its state motto to 'What Happens Here, Gets You a Boxing License.'.
• Headline: Citing a Lead In the Polls, Ferraro Plans To Play Safe. Impact: Ferraro's cautious campaign led to a generation of politicians who learned that playing it safe is a surefire way to ensure they won't be remembered. Congratulations, Geraldine, your legacy is a cautionary tale!. Fact: Did you know that Ferraro's strategy was so safe, it could have been a training manual for future candidates on how to bore an audience to sleep?.
• Headline: Gridiron Hero: He Runs, Catches and Barks. Impact: This canine athlete's rise to fame sparked a bizarre trend where dog owners began training their pets for the NFL, leading to a confusing draft day where teams were torn between a linebacker and a Labrador. Fact: Fun fact: This dog was later offered a lucrative endorsement deal for a brand of dog food that claimed to be 'as good as it gets'—but only for dogs, of course.
• Headline: Many Nations, One Big Party. Impact: The gathering of immigrants in NYC not only enriched the cultural fabric of the city but also led to a never-ending debate about who makes the best pizza, bagels, and, of course, who truly deserves to claim the title of 'New Yorker's Favorite.'. Fact: Did you know that NYC’s immigrant population is so diverse that it has more food options than the entire rest of the United States combined? No pressure, America!.