JULY 25, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Troubled Life of Russell Weston Jr.. Impact: Weston's tragic past turned him into a cautionary tale about the effects of natural disasters on mental health, leading to future policies that are still ignored today. Who knew drowning in water could lead to drowning in paperwork?. Fact: Did you know that the Mississippi River has taken more lives than all the bad decisions made by politicians combined? And that’s saying something!.
• Headline: Yogi Berra's Emotional Baseball Reckoning. Impact: By refusing to let Yogi Berra attend Old-Timers' Day, the Yankees inadvertently created a new tradition of grumpy old players boycotting events, which eventually led to the rise of the 'Get Off My Lawn' fan club.. Fact: Did you know that Yogi Berra's famous quotes are actually just his way of trying to make sense of a confusing world? Like 'It's like déjà vu all over again' — his way of saying, 'I’m really confused right now.'.
• Headline: Clinton Balks At Appearance At Grand Jury. Impact: Clinton's avoidance of the grand jury led to a long-standing tradition of politicians ducking accountability, paving the way for future leaders to perfect the art of the 'political sidestep'.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'I'll have to get back to you on that' was invented during Clinton's presidency? Use it wisely!.
• Headline: Tazio Secchiaroli, the Model for 'Paparazzo,' Dies at 73. Impact: Secchiaroli's death marked the end of an era for celebrity photography, ushering in a new age where everyone with a smartphone thinks they're a paparazzo — thanks for ruining privacy for everyone, Tazio!. Fact: Did you know that the average person takes more selfies in a year than Secchiaroli took of celebrities in his entire career? We're truly living in the age of narcissism..
• Headline: AT&T Is Seen In a Global Joint Venture. Impact: AT&T's joint venture with British Telecommunications led to a domino effect of overpriced international calls, proving once again that two wrongs don’t make a right, but they do make a hefty phone bill.. Fact: Did you know that AT&T once stood for 'All Talk & No Truth'? Just kidding, but it might as well have!.
• Headline: Beliefs. Impact: Paraclete's struggles foreshadowed the downfall of independent bookstores everywhere, leading to a world where the only theology you can find is buried in a 'self-help' section of a big box store.. Fact: Did you know that the average independent bookstore lasts longer than a Hollywood marriage? Both are equally tragic but at least one is filled with actual stories..
• Headline: Confrontation Likely in G.M. Plan to Reopen Plant. Impact: GM's confrontation with the UAW led to a long-standing feud reminiscent of a bad soap opera, resulting in factories closing and opening like they were participating in a game of musical chairs.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing GM and the UAW can agree on is that both have a knack for turning a simple problem into a multi-season drama?.
• Headline: OBUCHI WINS POST ASSURING ELECTION AS JAPAN PREMIER. Impact: Obuchi’s rise to power, despite public dissent, set a precedent for future politicians to ignore the will of the people, proving once and for all that democracy can sometimes feel like a bad joke.. Fact: Did you know that in Japan, the phrase 'politics as usual' is just code for 'we're doing what we want, and you can deal with it'?.