JUNE 1, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Broadway's Response to the Talking Pictures. Impact: This event triggered a massive shift in the entertainment industry. If Broadway hadn't looked side-eyed at the movies, we might still be watching silent films. Imagine a world where the only sound you hear is the rustling of popcorn and the occasional actor shouting 'Look at my expressive hand gestures!'. Fact: Did you know that movies talking was such a big deal that some actors thought they would lose their jobs? Spoiler alert: they did, but Hollywood just replaced them with even more dramatic hand gestures.
• Headline: Suburban Zoning Shifts Against Town Houses. Impact: This headline led to an entire generation of Baby Boomers becoming suburban gatekeepers, resulting in the invention of HOA rules that are more stringent than a medieval king's edicts. You can thank this for the rise of 'lawn care as a competitive sport.'. Fact: Did you know that zoning ordinances were originally created as a way to keep people from building treehouses in the suburbs? Now, they just keep the fun out of everything.
• Headline: With a Hometown Embrace, Pataki Begins His Campaign. Impact: Pataki's campaign launch not only secured his political future but also made handshaking a mandatory skill for all aspiring politicians. This led to a nationwide increase in hand sanitizer sales as the public braced itself for the inevitable spread of germs. Fact: Did you know that 'hometown embrace' is just politician-speak for 'I have a lot of people I need to charm quickly before they realize I’m just here for the votes?'.
• Headline: Mets Count Ways to Win: Hitting Provides 9th in Row. Impact: This event set off a chain reaction in the baseball universe leading to every fan believing they could manage a team from their couch, resulting in Pop-Up Baseball Coaches popping up everywhere like weeds. Fact: Did you know the Mets' ninth win in a row convinced millions of people that they could also achieve such greatness in their own lives—until they realized that getting out of bed is not quite the same as hitting a home run?.
• Headline: U.S. Says Nazis Used Gold Loot To Pay for War. Impact: This revelation forced historians to rethink everything they knew about World War II financing, leading to conspiracy theories about hidden Nazi treasure that still have treasure hunters scouring the globe today—spoiler alert, it's mostly just junk. Fact: Did you know that this is why we have so many movies about treasure hunting? Apparently, the thought of Nazis hiding gold is more exciting than watching paint dry.
• Headline: Joan M. Kormendi, 81, Director Of Child Actors' Troupe, Is Dead. Impact: Kormendi's passing left a void in the child acting world, leading to a surge in child acting coaches who claim to have the 'magic formula' for stardom—most of which involves a lot of coffee and way too many headshots. Fact: Did you know that Kormendi’s troupe was so successful that they actually made it harder for other kids to find acting gigs? Thanks a lot, Joan!.
• Headline: Last in Flash and Cash, an Underdog Pulls Ahead. Impact: Gray Davis pulling ahead in the polls changed the political landscape forever, proving that the underdog could win—until people realized that being an underdog just meant you had to work twice as hard to achieve half as much. Fact: Did you know that being an underdog is now a popular marketing strategy? Who knew losing could be so profitable?.
• Headline: BOXING IN THE SHADOWS: A special report.; Out of View, the Fight Game Is Thriving. Impact: The resurgence of boxing in the shadows meant that underground gyms began popping up like mushrooms in a damp basement, leading to the rise of a new breed of fighter who thinks cardio is just a suggestion. Fact: Did you know that 'boxing in the shadows' is just a fancy way of saying 'we don't want the regulators to see how we actually train'? It's like the secret life of gym rats!.