MARCH 27, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Andrew Grove Steps Down as Intel CEO. Impact: With Andrew Grove stepping down, Craig Barrett took over, leading to Intel's eventual dominance in the tech world. Little did they know, this would result in a future where everyone would complain about their slow internet while streaming cat videos.. Fact: Grove's book, 'Only the Paranoid Survive,' became a timeless classic. Sounds like a great motto for tech startups and conspiracy theorists alike!.
• Headline: G.O.P. Delays Vote on Campaign Finance Bill. Impact: The defection of Republican lawmakers led to a never-ending cycle of political maneuvering, ensuring that any attempt at campaign finance reform would take longer than a snail's journey across a busy highway.. Fact: This vote delay is just a warm-up for the endless political gridlock that would follow. At this rate, they should just start selling tickets to watch the circus!.
• Headline: Northwestern's Basketball Betting Scandal. Impact: The Northwestern basketball gambling scandal not only changed how college sports were viewed but also opened the floodgates for future scandals. Who knew that making money off of college kids would become a beloved American pastime?. Fact: Point-shaving scandals are like the gift that keeps on giving – if by 'gift' you mean a long list of angry fans and ruined careers..
• Headline: Paul Oberkotter, 93, Top U.P.S. Executive. Impact: Oberkotter's passing marked the end of an era at UPS, reminding everyone of the importance of reliable delivery. His legacy would ripple through time, influencing everyone who ever ordered anything online and prayed it would arrive on time.. Fact: At 93, Oberkotter probably knew more about package delivery than anyone. Imagine the stories he could tell about those 'lost packages'!.
• Headline: Democrats, for a Second Time, Block Tax Break for School Costs. Impact: Blocking tax breaks for education costs led to a future where parents would rally for better education funding. Or, they could just continue to complain on social media – it's basically the same thing.. Fact: Blocking tax breaks for school costs is like saying, 'We believe in education, just not enough to let you afford it!'.
• Headline: New Top Executive For Mesa Air Group. Impact: Jonathan Ornstein's rise to CEO meant a new direction for Mesa Air Group, which would ultimately lead to a series of questionable flight decisions that would keep passengers guessing if they'd land on time or not.. Fact: Mesa Air Group's new CEO probably thought, 'How hard can it be to manage an airline?' Spoiler alert: Very hard..
• Headline: At Last, Ex-Prosecutor Addresses Accusers in Brawley Case. Impact: The Tawana Brawley case would go on to influence discussions about race and justice in America, echoing through the years as a reminder of the complexities and challenges faced in the legal system.. Fact: The Brawley case is a poignant reminder that truth can be as elusive as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs..
• Headline: GIULIANI DISMISSES POLICE PROPOSALS BY HIS TASK FORCE. Impact: Giuliani's dismissal of police proposals would eventually lead to a dramatic reshaping of community-police relationships, setting the stage for debates that continue to this day. You're welcome, future generations.. Fact: When asked about the task force's recommendations, Giuliani probably thought, 'Why fix what isn’t broken? Oh wait, it is broken!'.
• Headline: AT THE MOVIES. Impact: Edward Burns' introspective film-making led to a wave of indie films that would eventually drown Hollywood in a sea of heartfelt dramas and quirky comedies, while also inspiring future filmmakers to think they could do it better.. Fact: Burns turned 30 and made a movie about his Long Island roots. Next up: a documentary on how to deal with relatives at family gatherings..