FEBRUARY 22, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Civil War Dioramas at Kings Point. Impact: Dr. Elkowitz's dioramas inspire a future generation of Civil War reenactors who, due to his detailed work, decide to take their battles to the local parks, inadvertently starting a trend of overzealous reenactments that lead to a new reality TV genre, 'Reenactment Wars'.. Fact: Did you know that if you scale down a war, you can still create a huge mess? Just ask any parent who’s stepped on a Lego battlefield..
• Headline: The Re-education of Philip Reed. Impact: Philip Reed's re-education becomes a blueprint for future political activists, leading to the rise of 'anti-ignorance seminars' that are ironically filled with ignorance about actual seminar topics.. Fact: Did you know that sometimes it takes an activist to remind politicians that people exist? Who knew?.
• Headline: U.S. Is Advising Its Citizens to Leave Iraq as Soon as Possible. Impact: The U.S. advising citizens to leave Iraq leads to a chain reaction where tourists start equating 'adventure' with 'extreme caution', leading to a global rise in 'tourist escape kits' that include maps and a 'don’t go there' guide.. Fact: Did you know that the best travel advice often comes with a side of panic? Nothing says vacation like a mad dash for the airport!.
• Headline: Needing Direction? Try Catalogues.. Impact: David Bouchier's commentary on unsolicited catalogs spurs a nationwide 'catalog revolution', resulting in a black market for rare catalogs, where the most coveted are those that include 90s fashion.. Fact: Did you know that if you save enough catalogs, you can recreate an entire wardrobe from the 90s? Just don't forget the butterfly clips!.
• Headline: Two Major Races Converge at Oft-Tricky Cape. Impact: The convergence of yacht races at Cape Horn inspires a new sport: extreme yacht racing, where competitors must navigate not just the seas but also the whims of Yelp reviewers judging their boat names.. Fact: Did you know that naming your yacht is as crucial as the race itself? 'The Unsinkable' will always beat 'The Leaky Bucket' in popularity..
• Headline: Puppeteer Gives Punch Political Correctness. Impact: Fred Greenspan's nonviolent Punch and Judy show kicks off a series of puppet-led political debates, resulting in a new political party: 'The Puppeteers', who promise to string together a more cohesive message.. Fact: Did you know that puppets are often more relatable than actual politicians? At least they have strings attached!.
• Headline: As Crisis Nears, Affordable Units Of Housing Lag. Impact: The housing shortage report sparks a wave of DIY housing projects, eventually leading to a trend where everyone thinks they can build their own homes, resulting in a new reality show: 'This Old House, But Not Really'.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing scarier than a housing crisis is a neighbor with a hammer and too much ambition?.