JANUARY 30, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Global Banking Panic Over Asian Crisis. Impact: This panic led to the creation of an underground society of economists who now hold secret meetings to discuss how to avoid causing another financial meltdown—by way of interpretive dance, of course.. Fact: The only thing more volatile than international money markets is the stock market after a coffee shortage..
• Headline: Campbell Calls for Team Overhaul. Impact: This threat of a shake-up led to the birth of countless 'Rangers fan support groups,' where members bond over shared despair and the art of complaining.. Fact: In the world of sports, 'shake-up' is code for 'we have no idea what we’re doing, but let’s make it look like we do.'.
• Headline: Greenspan Discusses Asia Crisis Impact. Impact: Greenspan's observation sparked a trend where economists began analyzing disasters for the silver linings, often leading to more optimistic forecasts than actual reality.. Fact: In the realm of economic predictions, optimism is like a broken clock—it's right twice a day, but mostly just wrong..
• Headline: The Power of 3 Isn't Enough to Save the Knicks. Impact: This loss contributed to the ongoing belief that the Knicks could single-handedly keep sports psychologists in business for decades to come.. Fact: The Knicks' ability to lose games is so legendary, they could host workshops on 'How to Lose with Style.'.
• Headline: Metro Matters; An Aisle Seat In the House Or the Titanic. Impact: Kolbert's column caused a minor political ripple effect, inspiring politicians to consider whether they'd rather be seen as heroes or just avoid the iceberg in the first place.. Fact: In politics, the Titanic analogy is a favorite—mostly because everyone loves a good shipwreck story..
• Headline: Tale of Two Stories, This One With a Ms.. Impact: This radical reinterpretation sparked a trend of literary revamps, leading to a world where every classic story gets a pop twist, including Shakespearean sonnets sung by boy bands.. Fact: In the world of literature, 'radical overhaul' often means adding a love triangle and some questionable life choices..
• Headline: Bomb Kills Guard at an Alabama Abortion Clinic. Impact: This tragic event highlighted the ongoing conflict over abortion rights in America, marking a painful chapter in the ever-evolving debate about reproductive freedoms.. Fact: The fight for reproductive rights has often been characterized by passionate protests—proving that some people really can turn anything into a political battleground..
• Headline: Sports of The Times; Jayson Can Appreciate The Irony. Impact: Williams’ profile led to a sudden influx of New Jersey Nets merchandise, as fans desperately sought to showcase their loyalty to a team that was mostly known for its misfortunes.. Fact: In sports, irony is the highest form of flattery, especially when fans are left to appreciate it while their team loses..