JANUARY 8, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Asteroid Impact Threat to Atlantic Coast. Impact: If that asteroid had hit, the tides would have wiped out the East Coast, leading to a mass migration of hipsters to the Midwest, where they would have turned cornfields into artisanal coffee shops. You're welcome, America.. Fact: Dr. Hills probably wasn't invited to any parties after that prediction..
• Headline: Sam Cassell's Overtime Performance Analyzed. Impact: Cassell's overtime performance inspired an entire generation to realize that sometimes it's just as important to lose spectacularly as it is to win. A true legacy of mediocrity.. Fact: This game did not result in any historical breakthroughs, but it did solidify 'overpaid athlete' as a legitimate career choice..
• Headline: Boeing 737 Inspections Prompted by Crash Findings. Impact: The inspection of Boeing 737s led to a nationwide panic about air travel safety, which eventually resulted in an overabundance of self-help books about flying anxiety. Thanks, missing parts!. Fact: Somewhere, a conspiracy theorist believes this was all part of a plot to sell more train tickets..
• Headline: Union Leader For Teachers Is Leaving Post. Impact: Sandra Feldman's departure initiated a decade-long search for someone who could fill her shoes, ultimately leading to the rise of Randi Weingarten, who became a household name for all the wrong reasons.. Fact: If you think stepping down is easy, try trading your local union for a national one. It’s like going from a small pond to a shark tank!.
• Headline: President Plans On $21 Billion For Child Care. Impact: Clinton's $21 billion child care investment somehow led to the creation of a series of questionable daycare chains where toddlers were treated like stock market commodities. Who knew?. Fact: In an alternate universe, this decision led to a national holiday celebrated by parents who actually got a break..
• Headline: Design Notebook; Havana's Aged Chariots of Chrome. Impact: The obsession with vintage American cars in Cuba sparked a black-market trade in spare parts that fueled the underground economy and inspired a new genre of music: 'Chrome Reggae.'. Fact: People would pay top dollar for a rusty bumper just to keep the spirit of the '50s alive. Nostalgia is a powerful currency!.
• Headline: Legal Advocate, or Illegal Conspirator?; Lawyer for a Drug Suspect Is Accused of Abetting His Client. Impact: This legal drama highlighted the fine line between defense and crime, leading to a new reality show, 'Lawyers Gone Wild,' which was a hit until the bar association stepped in.. Fact: In a shocking twist, Stiso later became a motivational speaker on the virtues of staying within the law..
• Headline: Metro Matters; Only in Albany Is a Surplus Reason to Fret. Impact: The report on urban students' skills ignited a nationwide debate that lasted for decades, eventually leading to the invention of the phrase 'No Child Left Behind,' which ironically left many children behind.. Fact: This report probably inspired more coffee shop discussions than any other educational finding in history..
• Headline: Report Shows Urban Pupils Fall Far Short in Basic Skills.