JANUARY 6, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: SBC's Historic Acquisition of SNET. Impact: If this acquisition hadn't happened, Connecticut might have remained a phone company desert, leading to a nationwide shortage of awkward conversations in diners. Just imagine the chaos!. Fact: SBC Communications' stock transaction was so massive that it could have funded a small nation—or at least a really nice party in Connecticut..
• Headline: Giuliani Says He May Not Sign Major Ban on Tobacco Ads. Impact: Giuliani's indecision about the tobacco ad ban sent shockwaves through the marketing world, leading to a future where smoking ads became even more creatively questionable. Thanks, Rudy!. Fact: If only Giuliani spent as much time contemplating public health as he did contemplating his next controversial statement..
• Headline: Gingrich Calls for Tax Cuts Tied to Any Budget Surplus. Impact: Gingrich's call for tax cuts tied to a budget surplus inadvertently set off a chain reaction that led to every politician since trying to find creative ways to spend money without actually helping anyone.. Fact: Tax cuts are like a magic trick: they seem great until you realize the rabbit is actually just more debt..
• Headline: AUTO MAKERS PLAN CUTS IN EMISSIONS OF SPORT VEHICLES. Impact: The push for lower emissions in sport vehicles led to a bizarre timeline where SUVs became the eco-friendly choice, confusing everyone who thought they were just gas-guzzling beasts.. Fact: Ford and Chrysler's emissions cuts were like putting a bow on a gas-guzzling monster truck—still a monster, just a little less monstrous..
• Headline: Excerpts From Remarks By Gingrich on the Budget. Impact: Gingrich's budget remarks were like a pebble dropped in a pond, creating ripples that made every budget meeting feel like a round of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?'—without the million.. Fact: Listening to Gingrich talk about budgets is like watching paint dry, except the paint might actually have more exciting plans..
• Headline: Aetna Names Official to Health Care Unit. Impact: Aetna's appointment of a new official sparked a series of corporate reshuffles that eventually led to a future where health care executives became reality TV stars. The drama was real.. Fact: When executives leave abruptly, you know there's more drama than in a soap opera. Spoiler alert: it's all about the money..
• Headline: Bullied No More, Wizards Rap Knicks. Impact: The Wizards' victory over the Knicks sent shockwaves through the NBA, altering the fate of basketball fandom and leading to a generation of fans who'd never know true despair. Lucky them!. Fact: The Wizards winning is like finding a unicorn in your backyard—rare and slightly unbelievable..