JANUARY 4, 1998

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ferraro Eyes D'Amato's Senate Seat. Impact: If Ferraro had successfully nabbed D'Amato's seat, we might have seen a wave of women in politics much earlier. Picture a world where Congress was filled with more than just the usual suspects—like a pack of wild cats taking over a playground.. Fact: Geraldine Ferraro was the first woman nominated for vice president by a major party in 1984. Just imagine how much more fun debates would be if we had more women making the rules!.
• Headline: Kwan Faces Health Challenges Before Nationals. Impact: Kwan's toe injury led to the discovery of a revolutionary toe bandage that would eventually cause a surge in competitive toe modeling. Who knew toes could be so influential?. Fact: Michelle Kwan is a five-time World Champion and two-time Olympic medalist. If she had competed with a broken toe, she might’ve started a trend: 'Toe-lympics'!.
• Headline: THE GUIDE. Impact: The cultural events in Westchester could have inspired a nationwide trend of overenthusiastic locals turning every mundane event into a Broadway production. Imagine your neighbor's BBQ as a musical!. Fact: Westchester is known for its rich culture, but if you ask the locals, they'll tell you the best part is the parking—it's a real drama!.
• Headline: Will Doing 65 on the Road Ease Gridlock in Trenton?. Impact: If the speed limit had increased, New Jersey might have become the NASCAR capital of the East Coast. Traffic jams could have been replaced with high-speed chases over the Garden State Parkway.. Fact: New Jersey drivers are already skilled at speeding—did we really need to encourage them? The only thing faster would be their tempers!.
• Headline: Eight Killed In 6 Incidents Over 12 Hours. Impact: The spate of violence in NYC inadvertently led to the creation of more stringent gun laws, which resulted in the birth of a bizarre underground industry of non-lethal weaponry—think foam dart guns on the streets.. Fact: New York City has its share of violence, but it also has some of the best pizza. Who knew that dough could be more comforting than a bulletproof vest?.
• Headline: N.J. EATS: Good Morning, New Jersey. What's for Breakfast?; Just Veggies, Please. Impact: The vegetarian breakfast trend could have led to an unforeseen culinary revolution where every diner in America had to offer a 'just veggies' option, creating a world where bacon was outlawed—imagine the protests!. Fact: Vegetarian breakfasts are great, but they often leave you wondering: where's the rest of my breakfast? Like a vacation without the beach!.
• Headline: Applause for the Past, Wishes for the Future. Impact: Klein's roundup of theatrical performances could have fueled a resurgence of local theater, leading to a decade where every small town had to put on an annual 'Shakespeare in the Park'—complete with questionable performances.. Fact: Theater in New Jersey is so popular that it might be the only place where the audience is more dramatic than the actors!.
• Headline: Contemporary yet Classic: Fine Craftsmanship for Everyday Functions. Impact: The exhibition of functional art could have set off a chain reaction of DIY enthusiasts turning their living rooms into modern art galleries, leading to the world's first 'Functional Art Home' reality show.. Fact: Functional art is great until you realize that your coffee table is also a sculpture of a moose. Good luck explaining that to your guests!.
• Headline: A Lure for Athletes and Pilgrims. Impact: Kristof's travel article about Nagano could have inadvertently made Japan the go-to pilgrimage site for athletes and hipsters alike, leading to an influx of yoga retreats in temples.. Fact: Nagano is known for its temples and natural beauty, but if you go there, don’t expect a Starbucks. You'll have to survive on nature and zen vibes!.