DECEMBER 18, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Expanded Jury Options for Nichols Trial. Impact: The leniency shown to juries in high-profile cases like this one led to an uptick in jurors feeling like they could audition for the role of 'Judge Judy.' Suddenly, every courtroom became a reality show, complete with dramatic music and slow-motion verdicts.. Fact: Fun fact: Jury duty was once considered a civic duty, but thanks to cases like this, it's now more of a game of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?' with a lot less money and a lot more anxiety..
• Headline: Clinton's Optimistic Foreign Policy Review. Impact: Clinton's rose-tinted worldview inspired a generation of politicians to don metaphorical rose-colored glasses, leading to a series of optimistic speeches that would eventually culminate in the 'Everything's Fine' tour of 2020.. Fact: Did you know that 'rose-tinted glasses' are actually a metaphor? Because apparently, if you wear them, you won't see the mess in front of you!.
• Headline: Remembering Roger Brown: Psychology Pioneer. Impact: The passing of Roger Brown led to a momentary spike in psychology textbooks being dusted off and then promptly returned to the shelves, as students realized they’d rather binge-watch reality TV than study human behavior.. Fact: Roger Brown's works influenced countless students, but none more so than those who used his texts to justify their procrastination. Thanks, Roger!.
• Headline: Fearing Errors, U.S. Will Review Cutoff in Aid to Disabled Youths. Impact: The decision to review disability benefits for youths inadvertently sparked a nationwide debate about how to actually help people in need, an issue that still remains unresolved, because who needs solutions when you can have endless discussions?. Fact: Did you know that the Social Security Administration has a 'let's see how long we can drag this out' policy? It's almost Olympic in its dedication to inefficiency..
• Headline: U.S. Assails Microsoft and Seeks New Oversight Role. Impact: The government’s antitrust actions against Microsoft paved the way for tech giants to play a game of 'how far can we push the envelope'—leading to the multi-billion dollar tech monopoly saga we know and love today.. Fact: The irony is that Microsoft was once so dominant that they could have hired a magician to make competition disappear—and they almost did!.
• Headline: CHRONICLE. Impact: Peter Tiboris wielding Bernstein's baton created a ripple effect in the music world, causing every conductor to suddenly search their attics for long-lost instruments that might have belonged to a famous dead composer.. Fact: Did you know that conducting with a famous baton is like using an ancient relic? It gives you power, but only if you actually know how to use it without making the orchestra sound like a cat in a blender..
• Headline: Sports of The Times; This Prince Better Not Be a Pauper. Impact: Prince Naseem Hamed’s boxing showdown inspired a new generation of boxers to embrace flamboyance over technique, resulting in a slew of fighters who spent more time on their entrances than their punches.. Fact: Fun fact: Naseem's flamboyant style was so over the top that it inspired a whole new category of boxing attire—'the peacock collection'—because why not?.
• Headline: On the Road to Monterrey; Success of Mexican Bus Companies Eludes Greyhound. Impact: The dominance of Mexican bus companies over Greyhound led to a new era of travel where Americans had to admit that sometimes, the best option isn't the biggest name, igniting a love for the underdog (or underbus?).. Fact: Did you know that Greyhound once had a monopoly on cross-border travel? Now they just have a monopoly on complaints about missed connections..
• Headline: Rangers Get Respite From Their Recent Doldrums. Impact: The Rangers' brief victory revived hope among fans that perhaps they could one day experience a sustained period of joy, only to have that hope dashed repeatedly for decades to come.. Fact: Fun fact: The Rangers' victory was celebrated so fervently that fans temporarily forgot their team's historical ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. It was a short-lived fantasy!.
• Headline: Canadian Senate: Substantial Power but Not Much Attendance. Impact: The Canadian Senate's attendance issues sparked a nationwide initiative to rethink the concept of public service, leading to a series of 'Where Are They Now?' segments that left viewers baffled.. Fact: Did you know that Andrew Thompson’s 14 appearances in seven years could be a new record for 'most time spent on vacation while collecting a paycheck'? Bravo, Andrew!.