DECEMBER 11, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Crude Oil Prices Hit 22-Month Low. Impact: The drop in crude oil prices meant that people suddenly had extra cash to spend on unnecessary gadgets. This led to a surge in smartphone sales, which in turn caused an explosion of memes that would define internet culture for the next decade. Thanks, oil!. Fact: If the price of oil keeps declining, we might soon see a reality show titled 'Extreme Couponing: Oil Edition.'.
• Headline: Elton John's Tribute to Princess Diana. Impact: Elton John's donation sparked a global trend where celebrities felt obligated to give back, resulting in a flood of cringe-worthy charity events, including a celebrity bake-off that caused more than a few kitchen disasters. Who knew baking could be so dangerous?. Fact: Elton’s contribution was so large that it could have funded an entire season of a reality show about reality shows!.
• Headline: MEETING REACHES ACCORD TO REDUCE GREENHOUSE GASES. Impact: The agreement to cut greenhouse gases started a ripple effect where eco-consciousness infiltrated every aspect of life. Soon, people were arguing about the environmental impact of their choice of toothpaste brands. Thanks for the toothpaste wars, negotiators!. Fact: The first casualty of the greenhouse gas agreement? The number of times people could use 'carbon footprint' in casual conversation..
• Headline: Los Angeles Journal; Cemetery to the Stars Wins a Court Reprieve. Impact: The court's decision to preserve the cemetery led to a resurgence in Hollywood tourism, but also sparked conspiracy theories about ghostly star sightings. Who knew that the afterlife could be so marketable?. Fact: Hollywood Memorial Park Cemetery had more drama than the movies filmed nearby. At least the ghosts don’t have to deal with bad scripts!.
• Headline: Turf; Concerns Raised About Real Estate Brokers on Co-op Boards. Impact: The co-op board discussions led to a rise in real estate agents becoming amateur psychologists, as they tried to navigate the complexities of human relationships in tiny apartments. Welcome to Manhattan, where therapy and real estate go hand in hand!. Fact: Real estate agents on co-op boards now require a second certification in emotional intelligence. Who knew buying an apartment could feel like a therapy session?.
• Headline: Last Laugh for the Philippines; Onetime Joke Economy Avoids Much of Asia's Turmoil. Impact: The Philippines' resilience inspired a motivational speaker craze across Asia, which led to an uptick in badly produced self-help books that cluttered the shelves. Thanks, Philippines, for the avalanche of 'You Can Do It!' titles nobody asked for!. Fact: The Philippines' economy was once jokingly referred to as the 'joke economy,' but now it’s the inspiration for a slew of motivational quotes that are just plain cringe-worthy..
• Headline: Dominican Sex Scandal Mars Big League Dreams. Impact: The sex scandal involving Louis Rosa triggered a massive overhaul of scouting protocols in baseball, inadvertently leading to a rise in HR professionals who now moonlight as baseball scouts. Who would have thought HR could be so glamorous?. Fact: The scandal was so shocking that it led to a new reality show titled ‘Scouts Gone Wild,’ but thankfully, it was quickly canceled after the first season..