DECEMBER 2, 1997

Full News Archive

• Headline: Shifting Views on Human Cloning. Impact: As scientists started warming up to human cloning, a secret society of genetically-modified sheep began plotting their takeover of the planet, believing themselves to be the rightful heirs of humanity. Spoiler alert: They still can't figure out how to open doors.. Fact: Did you know that the first cloned sheep, Dolly, was named after Dolly Parton? Because nothing says 'scientific breakthrough' like a country music icon..
• Headline: Musical Tribute to Princess Diana. Impact: Diana's tribute album became an unexpected global phenomenon, leading to a decade-long trend of celebrity tribute albums, which somehow culminated in a tribute album for the average potato. Yes, the Potato Ballads album was a real thing.. Fact: Did you know that Diana, Princess of Wales, had a knack for being in the spotlight? Unlike some people who just can't find their way out of a paper bag..
• Headline: Peat Marwick Selects Lowe. Impact: Peat Marwick's selection of Lowe was the beginning of the end for creative advertising; soon, brands were just slapping their logos on everything, including people's foreheads. The forehead tattoo market boomed, much to the chagrin of tattoo removal specialists.. Fact: Did you know that advertising agencies often make decisions about branding with the same level of seriousness as a toddler picking a crayon color? It's all very scientific..
• Headline: 2 Canadian Agencies Agree to Combine. Impact: The merger of Canadian agencies sparked a frenzy of similar consolidations, leading to a future where agencies began combining into super-agencies with names like 'PalmerDDBJarvisNeedhamUnlimited,' which ultimately confused everyone involved.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than merging advertising agencies is getting a group of cats to agree on the same nap spot? It's a real talent..
• Headline: Saving the Ship That Revolutionized War at Sea. Impact: The preservation of the Monitor led to a resurgence of interest in naval history, inspiring an entire generation to take up ship modeling as a hobby, which they later regretted when their living rooms became battlegrounds of tiny plastic ships.. Fact: Did you know that the Monitor was one of the first ironclad warships? It revolutionized naval warfare—too bad they didn’t have Wi-Fi back then..
• Headline: With Caveats, U.S. Supports Israeli Decision on West Bank. Impact: The cautious U.S. support for Israel's decision created a diplomatic domino effect, eventually leading to international negotiations that were so convoluted they could have been scripted by a soap opera writer. 'As the Peace Talks Turn.'. Fact: Did you know that U.S. foreign policy is often like a game of chess played by toddlers? Lots of pieces getting knocked over and no one really sure of the rules..